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Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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I have been living with my boyfriend years he has had

Customer Question

I have been living with my boyfriend for two years he has had two failed relationships one of 15 years she cheated on him….the other for 9 years she was 14 years younger and an alcoholic …he tells me that i am totally different then either one of them I want to get remarried one day and at this time he is dead set against it….he loves me I am willing to wait but for how long?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hello. Only you can decide how long you want to wait. You can't expect for him to change if he is dead set against it, but you can explain to him how important it is to you. If he was treated badly with past relationships, he will have trust issues and rightfully so. You should sit down and tell him you understand why he feels the way he does about marriage, but it's important to you and want to know if there is a chance int he future or if he might be able to give you a time line as to when he might be ready if ever. See what he says. If he sticks to his anti-marriage stance, then you have a choice to make. Decide if marriage is so much more important to you than him that you would leave him if he absolutely would never marry you or would you be able to live with having a long term relationship ? If his issues with marriage have to do with finances or anything like that, maybe doing prenups would be a good compromise for you both ? It's something you need to talk about and in a give and take way, don't corner him into being forced to marry you. Try not to give him ultimatum of any kind, you will lose that battle for sure. What are your main reasons for wanting to get married ? What are his main reasons for not wanting to get married ? Can you find something in between which will work for you both ? Communication is the only way to find out.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
he feels that there are no happy marriages out there i just got divorced after 30 years of marriage…my ex cheated on me i believe in marriage it is not a money thing like that he has been hurt really bad and he's scared
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Marriage is what you make it. He has a good reason for his feelings and he shouldn't be made to feel like he is wrong. BUT you also shouldn't be stuck in a relationship which has no prospect in ending in marriage if that is what is important to you as well. There are a lot of people who are against marriage and live together their whole lives without the legality of it. Some people will not even consider that arrangement. FInd what you are ok with and what he is ok with and have that be your starting ground.