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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3143
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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My wife and I are having issues. My wife, I feel, has a

Customer Question

My wife and I are having issues. My wife, I feel, has a drinking problem. After work, she drinks red wine. She goes through a 5 liter box every two nights, average. She starts drinking before noon on her day off. She keeps a glass in the bathroom, and
one on her nightstand for easy access. She is a retail manager--very good at what she does. She is "bubbling over" pleasant to everyone at work, but I dread her days off when she is home--she drinks from about 11:30 a.m. By about 9:00 or 10:00, she has become
very unpleasant, and negative. When she starts berating me for no reason (for example, it started tonight due to my accidentally nocking over her wine glass. She thought it broke. "Why did you do that, you asshole"? When she saw it wsnt' broken: "you better
be glad it's not broken." I tend to leave the house and go out because I know she will soon fall asleep (pass out) from having had so much wine. She reacts to my leaving by texting me that I am "acting like an asshole"--for no other reason than the fact that
I left for an hour or so because I didn't want to endure her hostility. Our background--I am a 52 year old 27 year school teacher. My family gets along better than most, loves each other even with an aging, very vain and opinionated mother for whom I feel
very sorry for (health problems.) My wife's family, although once very loving, has become divided due to the sister-in-law's mental state. My wife is definitely the class of her family--attractive and always looking her best. She is very disturbed about her
middle aged weight problems (approaching 200 lbs.) My wife maintains that she is doing nothing wrong at night when she is annebriated. Tonight after my left over her continued rant about the wine glass, locked me out. We live separately most of the time due
to job reasons only; I had been "visiting" during my time off in the summer and help her pay for her very nice duplex because I make more than she does. I don't feel that she should be locking me out. I don't feel I am doing anything wrong, even leaving when
she acts like this. Where I am from, that kind of behavior is reserved for the abusive man in the marriage. Until she becomes drunk, we have a good time conversation with each other. Please advise. Counseling is out of the picture--my wife is pretty hard headed
and won't go. I have seem my mom treat my dad like this in their old age, and don't want it to happened to my wife and I. I am prepared to do whatever it takes, including going our separate ways. I just don't feel I should have to endure this as supportive
as I am of her.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am basically a non confrontational type, and am not really sure how to react when she goes into this rage. I just stay calm and try to be as understanding and reassuring as I can.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
anyone out there?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I am so sorry to hear of this. Her drinking, as you describe it is out of control and sadly it is impossible to reason with anyone when they are active in their drinking.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
you say counseling is out of the question for her but support for you is not out of the question for you...and that at this stage would be your first step...finding an al-anon meeting so that you can be supported and understood. You may in time, feel that some type of intervention is needed with the help of a professional so that she can get into treatment. It sounds like she needs more than counseling...she may need some intensive treatment to get through the initial stages of abstinence. But as you say, she won't go, so it is really about you and getting your support.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Will the phone call result in extra charges above the $18?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
The calls do incur additional charges...They run between $40 & $50. I am not available by phone today unfortunately. I can continue in this medium.

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