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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2820
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I can't help today but complain, I am in nursing school and

Customer Question

I can't help today but complain, I am in nursing school and I am married. My life is hell. I am in an accelerated nursing program bachelors and I am extremely busy and on top of it my husband is supportive in some ways and very unsupportive in other waysz.he
does most of the house chores and cooks most nights. I get that this is hard on him too but I feel that he wants things el that he wants things his way or no way, if I say something that he disagrees about it if I say something like school is hard and I want
to quit( I do not want to but sometimes I am extremely stressed out and say a bunch of stuff I do not mean) he literally blows stuff out of proportions. He tells me that this marriage does not work, that I should go back to my home town etc. then he says he
is sorry he did not mean to say that and that he just wanted to get a reaction out of me. Today I wanted to bring up again the school stress and he starts yelling and telling me he does t want me to hear complaining and that I freaked him out by saying that
I will quit when he does everything for us to make school doable. Then we went flower shopping he had an idea of what to buy I had my idea and then he says we need to leave because we are not agreeing on what to buy. I feel he just wants me to agree with him
all the times and he feels happy then.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I hear that you are both under a lot of stress and are both working so hard in your own ways. I think if you can realize this then you can both go a little easier on yourselves and each other and know that you may both be a bit reactive right now because of all the pressure.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
No couple agrees all the time and yes if you feel like you give over most of the time then that needs to be looked and and discussed...but communication will be most effective when you are both calm. Maybe some time needs to be created just the two of you...a date night of sorts so that you can both unwind and reconnect.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
We can talk more when you come online.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Great. I think I would benefit with talking with you maybe like in a session over the phone? Can we do that? I saw it would be 18? Would that be a session? I think I would benefit to talking to someone
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I can offer you a phone time. I will send the private offer now. If it is not doable for you, we can always stay in this format. Please also keep in mind that after working with a professional it is important to offer a rating as we are not credited otherwise.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
That is a little pricey for me considering I am a full time student. I could do 30 dollars or just talk here. I could accept this discussion as well. Please let me know
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
We will stay here in this forum. I am here and am happy to continue supporting you. That fee was already a reduced fee, so lets stay here and continue our work.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks. This week I am off school for 1 week. We will resume on Monday and I am completely horrified how hard will be again. I am trying to find a buddy system and fi d someone to talk to about school. I am contemplating even if I should make an appt and get a prescription for Paxil. I have intense panic attacks in school. I always feel I am failing when in fact I am getting 100s. Any advice how to not be so panicked? I have the scare of failure because my husband told me there is no room for error because we put our lives on hold so that I get a second bachelors degree.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
This is intense pressure and that is why the disagreements keep happening.
You need to practice a lot of self talk reminding yourself of the success in school thus far and that indicates it will likely remain. Each night I suggest you go to youtube and search for mediation music and plug yourself in with headsets and practice some imagery....self talk works great when listening to this calming and inspiring music. Many emotions will come up...let them and just breathe and relax. I know this may sound hokey but please give it a chance and do it every night without missing...the more you practice the calmer you will feel at all times and not just while listening.
If you feel the panic and worry is so intense, then yes, I would suggest you see a doctor to get evaluated.
This one simple thing of listening to the calming meditation can be so incredibly helpful. Please let me know if you are willing to give it a try. then you can listen even for 10 minutes during times of worry.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
If all good for now, please take a moment to click on the rating tab to rate my support. We are not credited otherwise. Thanks.