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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2806
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I am having problems with my sister. It is only when I say

Customer Question

I am having problems with my sister. It is only when I say something she objects to. She says I need to watch what I say around my dad. Being that my dad is confused and looks to be declining, I told my sister in front of my dad that if he gets any worse,
he may need to go to the "hospital". She went off on me, she became very wild eyed and angry and told me not to say the word "hospital" around my dad because he doesn't want to go there. I just said it as if to say his health may need professional care and
not stay home. My sister rolls her eyes and speaks to me like she hates me when I say anything to upset her when I speak to my dad about hospital, or any other word she feels comes out of my mouth is hurtful to my dad. Was it wrong for me to use the word"hospital"
in the context I used above regarding my dad's confusion? I am tired of saying "words" that anger people, it is like I am walking on egg shells, I am beginning to feel like I need to less vocal around my sister. I sense the strong dislike. I really am beginning
to feel uncomfortable around her. It really hurts. My Mom just passed away in April and I feel so depressed that she is not here anymore but to put up with my older sister acting crazy and seem like she doesn't appreciate the things that i do for her but pick
on me when I say the wrong things.I am ready to move. She moved in with us and I am ready to move out!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Sorry to hear that things still feel tough for you around this. I want you to remember that just because she says something it doesn't mean it is true...only if you let her words affect you, then they will. You can't second guess every word you use just because she keeps correcting you. Speak and be natural and don't overthink all of this....do not let her confuse you and how you act in the world.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you,sorry, I had a relapse but I will do as you said.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
No worries...this is years in the making for you and I am here to remind you that you are strong and don't need approval from anyone on how to speak and what to say.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Just thought about this, today, my sister didn't put back anything that she put in front of her. She may move the furniture or move something from her room and put it in the living room and leave it there until I move it. The more I pick up behind her the more I dislike her. I wish there was a way that she would pick up behind herself. I've told her that before but she seems to not try to improve. Sad part about all of this is that I am the caregiver of my dad and he has dementia and its getting worse. She is here with us now and she is making my life more difficult as I am trying to keep the house clean and sanitized and she gets on my nerves putting things down and not quick as I am to put things back. My Mom told us to put things back where we got them from many times and I try to do that especially since she is has entered her eternal rest.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Both of you can only manage yourselves and not the other one. If she doesn't ut it back, you cannot make her do it. I understand feeling annoyed but if your goal is to keep things tidy then do it because it is your desire and forget what she does or does not do. both of you are locked in a battle of trying to get the other one to do as they want...focus on you more and your Dad. You can do this!!!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
correction:Just thought about this, today, my sister didn't put back anything that she put in front of her. She may move the furniture or move something from her room and put it in the living room and leave it there until I move it. The more I pick up behind her the more I dislike her. I wish there was a way that she would pick up behind herself. I've told her that before but she seems to not try to improve. Sad part about all of this is that I am the caregiver of my dad and he has dementia and its getting worse. She is here with us now and she is making my life more difficult as I am trying to keep the house clean and sanitized and she gets on my nerves putting things down and not quick as I am to put things back. My Mom told us to put things back where we got them from and now I am acting like my big sister's Mom. My Mom would not be pleased with what is going on if she knew her baby( I am the baby of the family) is taking care of her husband and oldest daughter while she is at eternal rest.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Please make decisions for yourself and yourself only and not what you believe your Mom would want or how you believe your sister should behave.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Last question; I pray that it is....Do you feel from what I have disclosed to you thus far, that my sister is intentionally trying to upset me? I am going to reread your posts because I want to enjoy life and not be uptight.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I don't believe she does it intentionally...she may just be a bit self absorbed and believe her way is the only way. So breathe, and try as best you can not to engage with her when she criticizes or leaves the place a mess. You will be happier for it.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you and Peace and Blessings!
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
And the same to you. I a here if you need.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I am here if you need. Please take a moment to click on the rating tab.

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