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Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Can i please get some insight from you regarding my

Customer Question

hello - Can i please get some insight from you regarding my recent break up. My 14 months relationship just ended by my boyfriend who is 18 years my junior. We love each other but he now he is breaking up with me because he felt that he wanted to experience more of life ( he's 32 yrs old) and above all else. He wants a family which I cannot give him (i'm 50). The break up was suppose to give him time to get himself together, work on himself and eventually be with someone. We had such an amazing relationship and I would hate to lose it. He asked me to not be in contact for at least one or two months so that he can move on.
All been said . It has been hard for us to stay away from each other but then each and every time we see each other , he ended up telling me at the end of the night that I need to give him the not seeing each other like he had requested. I then asked him how strong his feelings for me is right now . He answered me that from the scale of 1-10 , his feelings for me right now is around 7.5 .
My question to you is. Does it seems like he still love me? Should I keep hope that he will come back? or should i just go through the pain and move on? To tell you the truth , I am lost and devastated, not sure how I can cope.
When we are together, he still is very affectionate but I can tell his mind frame is different now.
I've cared and love him the best I could and he felt that. He said to me that we will never lose each other , that he will always love me. Is he just saying this to spare my feelings? or ???
My relationship with him has always been challenging as his mom has always been against me , my age.
If there is a way to get him back. How ?
Any advise is greatly appreciated.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,
I believe he does love you, but he is confused about what he truly wants in life. The age may have started becoming an issue for him or he may just need to work on personal issues. I would not recommend sitting around waiting for him because that will just cause you more pain. Rather, I would concentrate on taking care of yourself and staying active trying to cope the best you can. I would also give him his space. If anything is forced than that can just lead to problems later on, so it is best for him to come back to you on his own when he is ready. If it is meant to be then he will be back after he has his space, but in the meantime you can use this time as personal growth and enrichment. This is a win win for you because if he doesn't come back then you will have already started the healing process and if he does come back then you will be in a much better place as we can all benefit growth and taking care of ourselves.
I do wish you the very best and please let me know if I can be of further help.