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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2809
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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My husband and I just finalized our divorce last

Customer Question

Hi XXXXXX,
My husband and I just finalized our divorce last week after 6 years of marriage. He COMPLETELY BLINDSIDED my 6 year old daughter and I with his "friend" just two days ago during my daughters visit with him. I found out he started dating her about 3 months after we separated and has been seeing her for about 9 months now, but keep it hidden this entire time and even told me he wasn't seeing anyone. What I am so confused about is during this entire time we were separated (1 year), he told me he still loved me, wanted to be my best friend, still wants to do things together as a family from time to time, etc all while seeing this other girl that he was hiding from my daughter and I. Then, just two days ago after revealing his new "friend" to us, he tells me the complete other extreme, that if anything we would be maybe just friends, and also got extremely mad at me for introducing myself to her and started telling me all these horrible things, this is how life is going to be from now on, live with it, etc.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Hi and welcome. I'm a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
All of this can be very jarring for you and I am sorry to hear of all the pain that surrounds this. He probably kept it hidden because he felt it was too early to bring it out in the open to you and your daughter. It is all blindsiding because anything that is unexpected has that potential.
Both of you are filled with emotion and are riding a bit of a roller coaster...you relied on what he said and now that has changed.
A new space will need to be forged and most likely it will be separate time and not time together as a family....as both of you move on and heal in your own way, this might be the best possible thing and also less confusing for your daughter.
So work toward that friendship of co-parenting and let yourself feel all you feel about the divorce, his new friend. As best you can please let your daughter not hear anything negative about each other...if you make one promise to each other it would be that you speak about each other in loving ways when she is around.
I know you are angry and feel he betrayed your trust, breathe through those painful moments and see that it is time to begin healing and do what's best for yourself and your child.

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