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Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Earlier today, I got some advice here about my situation

Customer Question

Earlier today, I got some advice here about my situation involving my girlfriend Tamicia's ex boyfriend stalking. I know that the situation has caused problems in our relationship and I am now trying to figure out the best way to tell her that I think
that she needs to talk to someone professionally about it. We have been having problems which started out due to a misunderstanding which eventually led to a few arguments between us and finally escalated into some words being said from the misunderstanding.
For the past two weeks I have tried to talk to her and even communicate through text and chat. Eventually it led to a conversation where she did say she loved me but it did not go all that well. The only time she seemed to understand was when we talked over
the phone and forgone the whole complication of text messaging. The past week has been like walking on eggshells. We have seen each other more the past few days and she wanted to try and she was beyond mad and disappointed but she just wanted to distance herself
like she wanted be on a deserted island. We have seen each other more in the past three days than we have in the past two weeks. Talking and even trying to help her out when she asks me. She said it will not that be easy for her to just let me back in, even
though I can tell she wants to but she keeps getting mad at me. I am trying to be there and show that I am not like her ex boyfriend. I do feel like I am suffering from those mistakes and I know that I am not going to be able to try to help alone. Tomorrow
I am supposed to be seeing her at church and taking her to the movies. I am trying to figure out how to tell her that I think she needs to speak to someone professionally about it. Yet, she is stubborn and tries to handle things by herself. It even took her
a while to let her siblings know that there was some kind of an issue with her ex. I don't want her to feel mad every time that she sees me. But I know that this is beyond what I can do for her. I just don't know how I should go about this without setting
her off again.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for your question. The best thing you can do is be open and honest about your feelings. It is important to be loving, gentle, and caring as well as not fight, but rather discuss disagreements. However, if you feel you need to walk on eggshells that is a problem. I would advise not allowing her that power where you are uncomfortable to have a discussion. The best way to say anything is in a loving manner without judging or being aggressive, but rather assertive. If you feel she should see a professional due to her behaviors then I would discuss this with her openly as well as give examples. Let her know how many people see Professionals. After hearing the reasons she may be open to it and if not then you can express again how many people see one and its to help since we can all improve. No one is perfect and the ones that actively seek to improve are the ones that will be there best and be happiest. I would take this day by day and stay true to yourself.
I wish you the very best and please let me know if I can be of further help.

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