Thank you for your response. I do understand that I'm very critical and judgmental of him, and that is the big problem. It wouldn't be fair to him to enter into a marriage while feeling this way. It would be setting us up for failure.
Do you have any suggestions for how I might learn to respect the traits of his that I don't like? After 2 years of struggling, counseling, reading, and numerous conversations, I haven't yet managed to overcome that hurdle.
Beyond this, we have some qualities that are supposed to be typical predictors of divorce. Money might be the biggest. He spends, and I save. If we were to get married, it feels like I would be jumping right into damage control for his life. My dad is a rock: stable, practical, sensible. My ex is impulsive, and he rarely thinks things through. It feels like jumping into a boat with a hole in the bottom.
It's hard to know whether I would feel the same way with someone else. This was my first serious relationship; however, I did have concerns about his character before we ever started dating. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I am very hard on myself. I've wondered in the past if one of the reasons I'm so hard on him is that he's so close to me.
We are both 30 years old. I know that isn't particularly old, but I do want to have kids. I don't want to waste more of his or my time, and judging from the past 2 years, I could pretty easily remain in this limbo for the rest of my life.