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Michael Hannigan
Michael Hannigan, Internet Researcher
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11511
Experience:  Extensive experience in research and problem solving.
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My boyfriend of 5 years had proposed in November. I started

Customer Question

My boyfriend of 5 years had proposed in November. I started to plan a few of the big details and he was there along to way to help with some desicions. He didn't want to be too involved and told me he wanted me to do the planning, which I was fine with. Fast forward to the present. It's now 1 year away from our set date and he no longer wants to get married. We have already chosen our wedding party and I have already bought my dress. Everybody who was looking forward to the wedding has been asking about how the planning is going and I'm just too embarrassed to tell them there isn't going to be a wedding. He refuses to talk about it or even tell me why he changed his mind. I'm completely heart broken and not sure what the problem is.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Michael Hannigan replied 1 year ago.
Hello. My name is***** can help you with your question.
You definitely do not want to get married for the sake of a dress that you've already purchased or party that you've already planned. So, for now, that should be off the table.
More importantly is what you said at the end – that you are not sure what the problem is. If he has been your boyfriend of five years and considering he proposed to you, he does owe you an explanation. What you are saying, at least to me hearing it for the first time, isn't making any sense. So, you need to try to step back from it and look objectively at the situation. Whatever your intuition tells you is probably correct. And if you haven't slowed down long enough to find out what your intuition says, then you should do that. Once you get your thoughts together, I would suggest sitting down with him and having the discussion in a nonconfrontational manner. Otherwise, especially since he's a man, you'll get very defensive and you will make any progress. Come to him from a point of truly trying to understand rather than being upset about it. If you start the conversation putting the weight of everything on his shoulders, then you clam up. And while his reasoning may be absolutely ridiculous, assume that it's not for now. You've known him for five years at least, and he must have his reasons and you need to understand what those reasons are before you can fix them. So I would concentrate on step one - you need to find out why he's changed his mind. If there is a member of his family that you know and trust, it may be helpful to feel them out.

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