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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5111
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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Mixed messages from a guy I thought liked me

Resolved Question:

Mixed messages from a guy I thought liked me
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 10 months ago.

Dr. Mark :

Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.

Dr. Mark :

The system says you're offline, so type in a hello when you enter the chat and we'll get started, okay?

Customer:

hello

Dr. Mark :

Hi. Share with me a little more what's going on that's troubling, okay?

Customer:

For the past 5 months, this guy and I have been working together on a work project (we work for different companies). I thought we had this connection, spent alot of time talking about work and non-work topics. We know alot about each other's families, careers, etc. I feel like we confided with each other. The last time we met, I kind of joked that 'our timing was bad,' (since we are both in a relationship), and he agreed, saying he wishes we met in our 20s (we are now in our 30s). Two days later, we were talking on the phone, and all of a sudden, he blurts out "Our last conversation was awkward, i have a girlfriend, you know that, right?" I honestly did not know (and quite frankly, we had this conversation in a bar after a few drinks). He said he wanted to be friends w/me, how he respected my work, etc. So I feel sad and a little confused. Oh, and we still talk almost every day, and we are continuing this work project, expanding it. Sigh.

Dr. Mark :

I see. That is difficult, for sure.

Dr. Mark :

What would you like the relationship to be like between you and him?

Customer:

I wish it was more than friends, but given his abrupt reaction, I need to face reality, I suppose.

Dr. Mark :

But he also wants to be friends with you, isn't that what he indicated?

Customer:

Correct

Dr. Mark :

You seem like a very nice person as well as a competent person.

Dr. Mark :

And he seems to realize this and value it.

Dr. Mark :

That's what I got from what he said.

Dr. Mark :

It seems there was an awkward moment,

Dr. Mark :

but it was just a moment.

Dr. Mark :

I would hate to see the friendship end because of an awkward moment, wouldn't that be true?

Customer:

Yes. I enjoy talking to him, and he has helped me a great deal, personally and professionally.

Dr. Mark :

I truly think that if you make one lighthearted comment about the "awkward moment", it will just quickly fade away.

Dr. Mark :

You also have a boyfriend, right?

Customer:

Correct

Dr. Mark :

So, how about just saying, "Oh, that was awkward, you're right. I'm glad it was just a brief moment. I also have a boyfriend. I respect your work as well and am glad to have you as a friend."

Dr. Mark :

What do you think?

Customer:

Well...I was pretty honest w/him. After he told me it was awkward, I told him I just wanted to be honest with him. And whatever his reaction was, it is what it is. And I did apologize for making him feel awkward, and he promptly told me to stop apologizing, that it was not needed. He said he respected my honestly.

Dr. Mark :

Hooray!

Dr. Mark :

He's telling you he didn't mean for the awkwardness to derail the friendship.

Dr. Mark :

So forget having to write what I suggested.

Dr. Mark :

Just put the moment behind you.

Dr. Mark :

That's what he is saying, and be glad. Because it really is behind him and you don't need to keep it alive, okay?

Customer:

Makes sense. Even though a few of my work friends commented to me in the past that they thought he did like me, I heard it directly from him-he has no interest.

Dr. Mark :

So, take him at his word. You've had direct experience

Dr. Mark :

because you've worked with him on the project.

Dr. Mark :

And you've judged him to be an honest person.

Dr. Mark :

So why question yourself on this?

Dr. Mark :

I really do believe that when a person who is competent, as you are,

Dr. Mark :

makes a judgment on a person,

Dr. Mark :

that person should be judged favorably until he shows something weird.

Dr. Mark :

And he's said in very believable and nice ways that he wants to be a friend.

Dr. Mark :

So why not trust your own observations?

Customer:

True. Thanks!

Dr. Mark :

You're so welcome. I really meant it. You seem like a very nice person as does he.

Dr. Mark :

And I wish you the very best!


 


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Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5111
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
Dr. Mark and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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