I think you understand where I am coming from and you also understand where he is coming from with the background I gave you.
I got him to donate all his books that he had on divorce and infidelity including books titled how to mend a broken heart and how to win you wife back. It took months because I didn't want to do it for him. I wanted and needed HIM to get rid of it himself because HE wanted to and because HE was ready to.
I still stumble across photographs of her and when I do I don't even tell him about it I just put it in an envelope and tuck it away. I am on good terms with her because I take care of her kids when they are over. Would it be wrong for me to hand her over the envelope of pictures of her that I found without telling him?
I see....It becomes a trust issue. Didn't think about that. Thank you Kate!
If I have another question for you, can I ask you through this chain? I would like to do so so that you have a log of our previous conversation so I don't have to explain again.
I always rate each answer I receive so you get the credit each time.
Do you get more credits for each new question? If so, I don't mind opening another question each time for you but if you can get the same credit on an open question, I would rather contract you back through this conversation. Which is better for you?
My good friend went through what he had gone through with his ex wife, a traumatic experience where he never had a chance to close the final chapter in their relationship because of the way it ended, with the ex wife cheating and leaving for good with no good cause but "I'm done".
He tells me to let my boyfriend go through the photos and relive them so that he can once and for all get over his past. Kind of like reading through the final chapter of a book. He thinks it will be therapeutic for him and hopefully help my boyfriend find the closure he needs?
I agree but also find it hard to swallow that he will be looking through nude photos of his ex. I understand they are only pictures of his past, not something he "did". He's pretty soft hearted so he will most likely cry looking through his treasure box he kept. I think he had totally forgotten about it because the top was so dusty, it had not been opened in ages. I don't know if he will get the full effect of therapy he needs if I am in the room waiting for him to go through it?
What should I do? I do trust him. She's not in the picture since she has long moved on before him. My concern is his mental health. Do you think it is safe for him to look through it alone after what he had gone through? I know he was on meds for depression for a bit to help him get through her leaving and her taking the kids with her. From what I can see, he never had the closure he needed and as hard as it is for me to say, this treasure box might be the key? Am I sounding crazy?
Can you recommend a therapist that we can both see about this? In Long Beach, CA?
He was so adamant about going through it himself, I said ok last night. But that he only keep the family photos, he throw away the nude photos, and he give back solo photos of her so she can decide if she wantsto pass it on to her kids.
He tucked it away somewhere and I don't know where he hid it. The safe box had no lock on it so I assume he wanted to make sure I didn't peek in there. He thinks I saw way more than I needed to when I opened It and looked through it last night.
Now after reading your reply, I don't think he should go through it just yet without some therapy. How do I ask him to not go through it when I already told him he could last night?
I think you nailed it in all the reasons you listed above except for the contact part. he keeps in contact with her on a weekly basis because of the kids.
Yes, he was really hurt by this past relationship but is slowly peeling himself away. I knew it wasn't going to be a quick recovery, also because of his kind hearted and soft personality. There is not one bad bone in this man's body! There was a lot of pain and lots of struggle to let it go too.
Knowing all this, is it best for him to let him do what he wants to do and give her the shredded photos? Psychologically, is it something that will help him let go by doing this?
He prepared that envelope per my request. I had asked him to keep family photos for his kids, give back to her any solo photos of her, and to get rid of the nude photos out of that safe box. He has photos he's going to give back to her the next time he sees her when he picks up the kids.
1) Should he just mail the envelope and text her informing her he's sending the photos instead of personally handing it to her?
2) Should I ask him to not put the shredded photos in the envelope?
3) Since the envelope is out in the dining area openly, should I just shake out the shredded photos and get rid of it without telling him?
How do I approach this?