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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Do you think if we both went to counselling as a couple to

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Do you think if we both went to counselling as a couple to understand why he needs this woman then we could save something from the relationship?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do think that counseling and psychotherapy could always be very helpful, but only as long as both happen to be fully honest and open about your situation, and accountable for your actions, and this is something I have not seem he has been doing at all for these so many years, that's why I believe he would not be willing to participate of counseling, or if he does, he would not be honest nor truly willing to take responsibility and change his actions. But the only way to know is by trying it, then you will see if these assumptions are accurate or if he really has what it takes to start working on deserving your love and commitment or not.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer: I know he has never been great at communicating im not sure why i am even willing to try this i just think of what we have been through together the last 10 years and its hard to walk away it will make me look the cruel one who ended it
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please do not think that way, because you would be self-sabotaging and fueling a codependent attachment to this person who obviously does not even respect you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is not about not being a great communicator but about basic respect, honesty and accountability, and his actions are obviously very abusive and unacceptable, but even then you feel guilty and afraid about him and other people judging you for taking good care of yourself, instead of enabling this dysfunctional and abusive relationship even more.

Customer: Thanks i understand what your saying the other issue i have is timing when to do this, its coming up to xmas family are asking about plans booking flights presents etc. i know it would be harder for me to find a new house and move out etc in the next few weeks do you think if i talk with him and tell him in the new year im leAving him and moving on a new start for me in the new year. Or is this a cop out?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I would not suggest you to wait that long because the tendency could be for you to continue self-sabotaging and allowing his manipulation even further, this is why I think the sooner you face reality and start taking consintent actions yo take good care of yourself, the better and less painful it would be in the long run.

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