Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I do think that counseling and psychotherapy could always be very helpful, but only as long as both happen to be fully honest and open about your situation, and accountable for your actions, and this is something I have not seem he has been doing at all for these so many years, that's why I believe he would not be willing to participate of counseling, or if he does, he would not be honest nor truly willing to take responsibility and change his actions. But the only way to know is by trying it, then you will see if these assumptions are accurate or if he really has what it takes to start working on deserving your love and commitment or not.
Does it make sense?
Please do not think that way, because you would be self-sabotaging and fueling a codependent attachment to this person who obviously does not even respect you.
This is not about not being a great communicator but about basic respect, honesty and accountability, and his actions are obviously very abusive and unacceptable, but even then you feel guilty and afraid about him and other people judging you for taking good care of yourself, instead of enabling this dysfunctional and abusive relationship even more.
I would not suggest you to wait that long because the tendency could be for you to continue self-sabotaging and allowing his manipulation even further, this is why I think the sooner you face reality and start taking consintent actions yo take good care of yourself, the better and less painful it would be in the long run.