Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming reality.
What you describe here is very concerning and sad
and I'd say most people in your shoes would feel overwhelmed by it.
Could you please tell me what do you expect and need from this person after spending the past 10 years of your life in this relationship, while he has systematically shown you he is unable and unwilling to commit to you and build a real mature and fulfilling life together?
It is very concerning since it does show he has been dishonest towards you and disloyal, what just goes against any chance for developing a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
I can see you are very clear about what you need and expect from him, but what gives you any real hope he would change after spending all these years without getting but these chronic lies, manipulation and infidelity?
I am sorry but based on what you are describing here I do not see your relationship has matured nor grown with mutual respect, honesty, understanding, caring , love , passion and support, and that this person is obviously showing you through his concrete actions after so many years that he is unable and unwilling to change at all, and that you feel even very afraid about his reaction, while in reality you only seem to have two options, to leave and rebuild yoru life in a healthy way with a person who deserves you, or to stay and afford further pain and suffering from his dishonesty, lying, neglect and manipulation, once he is not even willing to talk about it and to acknowledge all the serious abusive issues here.
I do not see you have the very core requirements for your relationship to develop as a healthy one, and the fact that regardless of how many years you have been dating and supposedly committed clearly shows this person has been using and manipulating you, while you have been tolerating and enabling his abuse.
I do totally agree with you, and support your initiative to look fora good professional psychotherapist to assist you rehabilitating from depression and to effectively cope and heal from this overwhelming situation.
It's essential for you to fully face reality and come to terms with everything that has happened for all this long, in order for you not to self-sabotage even more, exposing to further neglect, abuse and manipulation, so for you to heal rebuild your life.
You're very welcome. Thank you for trusting me this much.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. Take gentle care and consistent action.