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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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im 24 in medical school and my gf is in a sophmore in college...so

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im 24 in medical school and my gf is in a sophmore in college...so im in fl for school originally from nj and i met this girl, we started dating and then 4 months down the line her family requested an engagement, it's typical egyptian mentality, so my family came to fl for a visit and i have a problem with my family they tend to be judgmental. so once they saw them they didnt like them because they weren't the same social class and didn't recieve the same education as them and so on even tho her family is doing well. so her dad ask my dad for engagement and my dad refused because she was very young at the time and my dad saw it ludacris to engage only after 4 months of knowing each other. so my dad told him that its too early and to leave it to God if they are still together till may then we can proceed, it was oct at the time...so the guy retaliated and basically after we left told me that i cant see his daughter any longer...so i begged for him to ease it a bit and to let me just to get to know her first then he agreed but he wanted to hear it from my parents so after begging them they did it out just to please me...fwd a year later i still don't have the courage to talk to my parents about my gf and her family and they haven't spoken to each other for the year...so we have been together for a year and a half now and my family will not accept hers for no reason but that they think that i could do better...ok so now my sister came for a surprise visit this past week and i took her around fl and we had dinner with my gf... my sister doesn't like her because my mom doesn't like her as well, she tend to be nasty with ppl giving them attitudes and so forth...so we sat down for dinner and my sister told me not to pay for dinner or else she will embarrass me in front of the whole restaurant and so i coward and did nothing even though i love my girlfriend to death i really do and im just so ashamed of all of this...the next day my gf told me that unless i change and get my family to like her then she will not speak to me...so i finally maned up and spoke to my parents andtold them that they need to talk to my gf and her family in order to know them better before judging them and refusing associate with them...after 3 days of talking about this they agree...so i went to my gf house this morning to tell her that i fixed everything and that there will be more communication her dad kicked me out and told me that unless my parents come to fl and do an engagement then i cannot see her ever again (btw this man is nasty and i really don't like him but i would do anything to keep my gf, i really want to move onto the next step and for the past year and half ive been a coward...so now i have the option to face my family and tell them i want to get engaged or to just disappear...i prefer to be with my gf even tho i do not deserve her because i lied and did not defend her how do i go about telling my parents that i want to get engaged now instead of 1 year from now which they agreed upon...
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

We cannot help whom we fall in love with. You are in love with your gf and she with you, but you are being very constrained because of the duality of your cultural influences.

Because you are in the US, the differences in social class is not as important, and statistically men usually marry with women of a slightly lower socioeconomic class.

You parents want the traditional relationship with you and are putting undue pressure on you. Your sister's unreasonable behavior only served as an extenion of your father's will.

You are being more of a traditionalist than a romantic, and your gf is suffering because of this. You are not really standing up for her with your parents, an have to deal with her father is also trying to protect his own honor by his hard stance. He is taking a hard line because he feels at a class disadvantage.

At this point you have several options:

One is to give up the relationship. I don't think this is the one you want to take.

Another is to work things out with both parents.

The other is to get married and let everyone sort things out.

The second option is the best of course, if you can do it.

I wish you great success in proceeding cautiously and reaching the best outcome possible.

To that end I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC


Customer: replied 11 months ago.

if i was to approach my parents how do i do that i just afraid of negative feed back...they just told me this morning that they will agree upon engagement a year from now but then again last year they said lets wait a little and see what's going to happen...btw i treat my gf very good i write her poems i buy her gifts and i take her out all the time and for me to mess up once like this doesn't seem fair to me.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
It is NOT fair, but it is the reality that you are facing.

You need to be a bit more gently forceful with your parents and remind them of their previous problem and tell the that you would like them to move more quickly on this because the anxiety of the situation is affecting your studies (I'm sure it is) and that you are going to marry her eventually, one way or the other, and that they really need to consider that fact that they have raised you in the United States and that although the wonderful customs of Egypt are deeply ingrained in their way of life, they are not as strongly ingrained in yours because they removed you from that culture.

Being patient seems to be your best approach. You have a lifetime ahead of you.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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