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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1835
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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need some female advice on a girl that says she "just wants

Resolved Question:

need some female advice on a girl that says she "just wants to be friends"
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Dear XXXXX :

Thank you for your question.

Dear XXXXX :

How can I help you today?

Customer:

Hi

Dear XXXXX :

hello and how are you?

Customer:

yesterday we chatted about the girl that said she just wanted to be friends

Customer:

and she is warming up to me

Dear XXXXX :

Some times it takes time for a relationship to grow.

Dear XXXXX :

Friendships can develop into relationships.

Dear XXXXX :

People often because they spend so much time together as friends feelings begin to develop.

Customer:

It seems headed that way. I told her yesterday I just wanted to tell you how beautiful you are, no matter the few extra pounds, blemishes, or hair color even though you know how I feel about blonde lol.It can't hide your true beauty inside and out and how blessed and lucky I am of finding you, reconnecting , and having a person and friend like you in my life and to share my story with and to listen to yours.

Customer:

she saw it but never replied. I asked her about it and she said that she was sleeping but she wrote that she always likes what I write to her

Dear XXXXX :

I feel she saw it but did not know know how to respond.

Dear XXXXX :

I am sure she was flattered by everything you said.

Dear XXXXX :

One thing is that you accept her for who she is and that is very important in a relationship.

Customer:

she told me she saw it and she always likes what I write and say about her

Dear XXXXX :

That is perfect that she said that, she is being honest about your messages and I feel those messages are what is making her se you in a new way.

Dear XXXXX :

These are how feelings develop.

Dear XXXXX :

You just being there is something that will make her see that you both should be in a relationship.

Customer:

her new work schedule is driving me up a wall though. I miss chatting with her but when I'm up, she's sleeping and when she's up, I'm sleeping

Customer:

She told me about her new work schedule but said that doesn't mean that she won't read my messages

Dear XXXXX :

I think writing messages too her that will make her think about you during the day is good.

Dear XXXXX :

I think constant communication will be how you both stay connected.

Dear XXXXX :

She has a hectic work schedule, but I feel that your messages will spark her interest for you.

Dear XXXXX :

It is about knowing someone is there.

Dear XXXXX :

You are showing her you are there and thinking of her.

Customer:

She's been working overnights and sometimes I'll wake up at 1 or 2am just to chat with her. she'll ask me why am I up but I tell her I can't sleep or was studying for a test but in all reality I just want to chat with her

Dear XXXXX :

I would tell her why you are up.

Dear XXXXX :

You should tell her you just wanted to chat with her. I think she would feel fathered.

Dear XXXXX :

*flattered

Customer:

it's funny...when I wrote her how lucky I was to have her in my life and how beautiful she was I told her that I hope I didn't go over our friendship boundaries and she said no worries

Dear XXXXX :

That is a good sign that she said that because that is saying that there is more then just friends in this relationship.

Dear XXXXX :

She wants to hear how you feel about her.

Dear XXXXX :

When someone says no worries it means they fully understand, everything is ok and they are glad that you expressed yourself.

Customer:

so your telling me she's my girlfriend?

Customer:

or very close to that?

Dear XXXXX :

It does sound like there is more than a friendship here. I would say you are very close to being in a relationship. I feel she is taking her time to see how you truly feel about her.

Customer:

the last time I opened up to her she wasn't ready. well that was 3 months ago and since then I've seen her 2 times. And she has been asking me what I'll be doing over winter break and wants to know what I'll be doing in the future

Dear XXXXX :

She wants to know what you are doing over winter break. That is good that she is interested In what you are doing. I feel like she wants to make plans with you but does not know how to come right out and ask just in case you are busy.

Dear XXXXX :

I would ask her if she would like to do something over winter break.

Customer:

I live right down the street from her but I have a feeling I'll be hanging out with her. I'm going to try not to write her soo much while she's sleeping because I don't want her to think I'm going crazy.

Dear XXXXX :

That is perfect that you live right down the street so you could make plans over the break. You want to write when you know she is waking up or when she is going to bed if that is possible that way you will be the first thing on her mind when she wakes and that last thing she thinks about when she is going to sleep.

Customer:

That's when we usually write each other too

Dear XXXXX :

That is excellent

Dear XXXXX :

I see a relationship beginning here.

Customer:

I gave her this today and thought it fit her perfectly...Stunned by your elegance, your beautiful in every way. The very scent of your fragrance burns through the skin like sun rays. From the feminine in your walk to the sexiness in your talk, even a slight glance from your eyes can send sparks and liven up the day. Strength is your demeanor you don't break or fold. To the cunning your much keener, standing tall and speaking bold. In quiet whispers you roar like that of a lioness. Queen of the jungle honored by all as your highness. Intellect is your greatest gift, you're nobody's fool. Having the mind-set of a genius but always remaining cool. Able to think through any situation your determination is a living inspiration, and fuels the world with new found motivation. As a beautiful Strong Intelligent women you are truly astonishing in every right. The very essence of your presence is such a delight, soothing the souls of those around you in the darkness and light. A women like you so full of charisma and tenacity deserves a man of satisfactory who will respect you compassionately and love you everlastingly. You are the women that every man truly desires. A need so dire can only be fulfilled by the rapture of your engulfing fire. The Fire of Love that is... So Beautiful Strong Intelligent Women where ever you may be, there's a Handsome Strong Intelligent Man out somewhere looking for you. Maybe even me.

Customer:

She saw it but never responded. I think she was half asleep when she saw it

Dear XXXXX :

That is very romantic and I feel that she was so touched by your words she did not know what to say. She needed time to think about all your wonderful words. She knew that no matter what she said it could never compare to all the wonderful things you wrote.

Customer:

I told her that I know she's been busy with work and sleeping and I don't want you to think I'm going crazy, but I miss chatting with my special friend.

Customer:

it's been 2 days and I'm going crazy lol

Dear XXXXX :

You want to contact her and makes plans for winter break.

Customer:

we have plans to see each other next saturday

Customer:

I'm going to pick her up from work and take her to breakfast

Dear XXXXX :

That is great. This is a good opportunity to connect this relationship.

Dear XXXXX :

That is a great idea.

Dear XXXXX :

That will give you both time to talk over breakfast.

Dear XXXXX :

I am sure she is looking forward to seeing you.

Dear XXXXX :

You want to keep in contact with her and continue what you are doing because it is working.

Customer:

should I tell her in person what I think about her?

Dear XXXXX :

Yes

Dear XXXXX :

That would be a great way for her to truly know how you feel.

Dear XXXXX :

A lot of times people do not say how they feel so the person never knows.

Customer:

I think she was waiting for me to open up to her when we were together last time. I told her she was beautiful and she has natural beauty that make up shouldn't hide

Dear XXXXX :

That was very thoughtful.

Customer:

That's really all I said to her. Should I get some flowers for her?

Dear XXXXX :

Flowers would be really nice, that would show her how much you care because you are thinking of her.

Dear XXXXX :

I would tell her how you really feel about her. I feel this is your opportunity to talk with her.

Customer:

I'll open the car door for her, and when she sits down, she'll see them in her seat

Dear XXXXX :

That is perfect.

Customer:

I'm so lucky and happy right now that she's developing feelings for me. She is so beautiful and I never felt like this with any other girl.

Dear XXXXX :

That is what you need to tell her that you never felt this way about anyone before.

Dear XXXXX :

I want you to remember one thing in a relationship you always want to try and impress her. That is what I feel is why she is developing feelings for you. Your nice messages, all the things you do that is what is making her see that you are who she wants to be with.

Customer:

I'll never stop. I told her every time I chat with her my day goes by better and it's true. She brings happiness in my life and a smile on my face. I'll never stop caring about her

Customer:

When I get the chance, I told her when I first opened up to her that I'll take care of her like no one has ever done before. She said that she's pretty boring to hang out with and I told her I don't care, all that matters is that I'm with you.

Dear XXXXX :

That was very nice to say.

Dear XXXXX :

But do you see how she responded.

Dear XXXXX :

It is like she thinks you will lose interest because she feels like she is boring.

Dear XXXXX :

She is telling you who she is so that you know what type of person she is and how she acts in life.

Dear XXXXX :

She does not want to lose you once she decides if she wants to be in this relationship.

Customer:

wow...she said that 3 months ago to me when we started chatting

Dear XXXXX :

I think she is scared that if she fully opens up that you might see who she truly is actually how she views herself and you will not want to be with her. This is why she needs reassurance that you will always accept her for who she is and tell her that you could just sit with her all day and do nothing and it is just about being around her because you enjoy her company.

Customer:

So thats why she took off her sunglasses and showed me her face without make up and asked my opinion on her dying her hair and I was open and honest with her and she liked it.

Customer:

I told her she could be the most boringest person in the world but that I wouldn't care because I'll be with you because I like who you are

Dear XXXXX :

yes, exactly

Dear XXXXX :

that is good, keep reassuring her.

Customer:

she's testing me

Customer:

and so far I'm passing

Dear XXXXX :

yes, you are

Customer:

I'm sorry but I'm still in disbelief that a wonderful, beautiful woman of my dreams really likes me. I'm real lucky and thanks for the advice and encouragement

Dear XXXXX :

You welcome, you will see that she does like you and I think that when you go to breakfast it will tell you a lot on how she feels. Just be patient and you will see things develop.

Customer:

everyone I talked to about her says she does like me but be patient and take baby steps

Dear XXXXX :

Then that is what you need to do.

Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1835
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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