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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I have a question about my friend who says she wants to be

Resolved Question:

I have a question about my friend who says she wants to be just friends
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me more about it for me to better understand your concern?

Customer:

Sure

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thanks.

Customer:

Yesterday she told me that I always put a smile on her face after telling her what I thought of her and then she asked my advice on her dying her hair blonde and how it would look on her. I told her thanks for making me feel special and then she told me that's because you are

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see

Customer:

First she told me she just wanted to be friends and that friends can't have feelings for each other but it seems she's developing feelings for me. We've known each other since 1997 but just recently got reconnected about 3 months ago on facebook. She just got out of a relationship which she asked for my advice on and broke it off with the guy who was just using her for his own reasons. We've been chatting for about 3 months about almost every day and sometimes our conversations carry out for hours

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please continue, and tell me for how long have you been close friends and what do you feel for her?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then you have not been in touch for a while but only for the past 3 months and mostly through FB chat, not direct ace-to-face sharing, right?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

(....direct face-to-face...)

Customer:

I always had a crush on her and told her so 3 months ago. I opened my heart out to her and she said that she liked that I did that but couldn't reciprocate the feelings that I had for her back to me. I'm 3 hours away and about a month ago we saw each other for the first time in a long time. I thought we were just going to hang out and grab coffee by ourselves but she brought her friend with which was cool.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see. Then you were only friends in the past, and you only confessed your romantic feelings 3 months ago, and she immediately set a boundary to keep this as a friends-only relationship.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Did you notice any change in her behavior after you told her about your feelings?

Customer:

Than just 2 weeks ago she picked me up again for coffee and took me for a drive. When I got in the car she immediately took off her sunglasses and stared dead straight at me with her beautiful eyes and said this is what she looks like without make up. we talked about how we came to this point in our lives, her with school and work and me with school. then she asked how I became interested in my major and then said that you don't seem like the type to hire and fire and get mad at anyone. Then she opened up a little to me saying I was smart, sweet, good looking, and would never hurt a fly.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Wow, that was very good indeed, since her behaviors are showing not rejection or setting distance between you after you told her about your feelings, but further openness and willingness to share, which is very good for your chances around deepening your friendship

Customer:

I noticed we still talked the same. But recently over the past few weeks her behavior has changed since meeting with me twice. We've made a bet to lose some weight and we agreed that if she won I would take her out somewhere, and if I won she'd grace me with her presence. Than 1 week in when I said I was losing, she said she was on to me because she knows how I feel about her.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see.

Customer:

I'm coming into town next friday for thanksgiving break and told her that I'll pick her up from work since she's been working overnights at the bank that way we could see each other and hang out for a bit. I then said that I'll take her out for breakfast and she said yay. I asked if I was going to see her hair blonde before I come in and pick her up and she told me probably not. I asked if that will be a surprise for me and she said maybe lol.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This sounds very good, everything you have described here shows she has taken your initiative to reveal your feelings very well, and is indeed showing interest and engaging in sharing more and closer.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I would feel very excited if I happened to be in your shoes

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Nothing guaranties what will happen in the future, but what you know is that she is already sharing much more, allowing closeness, intimacy and a deeper connection between you, that both appear to want and enjoy it, then it is realistic to expect things to evolve even better if everything keeps working this well.

Customer:

I was just thinking to myself that she didn't want to commit to anything because she hasn't seen me in person. Now that she has I think she's falling for me. So she does like me then. Next week when I see her, should I tell her face to face how beautiful she is? should I try to kiss her when I drop her off home?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Fur sure you should tell her how beautiful you find her, and how blessed or lucky you feel because of having the chance to share with her this much, this would show her and confirm how real and good are your feelings for her without pushing her. On the other hand, i do not suggest you to try to kiss her unless she shows you she expects or is looking for it, since you do not want to risk undermining the openness and trust she is giving you, spoiling what you have been working on so well.

Customer:

Do you think she wants to be more than friends?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think so, based on your story about how thins have been evolving in the past 3 months, and since you confessed your feelings to her, I do think she is showing very good response, and if she keeps allowing you to share this way, the expected result would be for you to be more than friends, since she has not limited or changed for worse her sharing and closeness to you after you told her about your feelings, but has been doing exactly the opposite. Then her actions shows something different from her initial reaction about wanting to be only friends.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer:

Thank you sir very much. I just needed confirmation that she indeed did like me and wanted to be more than friends. She never opened up the way she did yesterday to me saying I'm special and I always make her smile. She just melted my heart and I should have known this was going to happen, it was just a matter of time. I just had to be patient and wait til she was happy again after her breakup in early september

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I believe you have been very assertive showing respect, honesty, caring and consistency in your feelings towards her, which are among the best core ingredients to build and promote healthy and fulfilling relationships. This is the best anybody in your shows could do about it. Now everything else depends on her response to it, on how she feels about you and what she allows to grow between you. So far it seems to be working very well.

You're very welcome. Thank you for your trust.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do agree with you, and believe it is absolutely worthy to work on it as much as possible, hoping she continues to do the same. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions or to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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Rafael M.T.Therapist
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MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach