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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I really like this guy who I hooked up with for about two weeks

Resolved Question:

I really like this guy who I hooked up with for about two weeks a little bit ago. However, I called things off when I wanted things to progress and he said he didn't, although he said he really did like me and care about me. Now we're friends, but I ended up messing up at a party we both went to this weekend when I heard him openly talk about hooking up with a mutual friend of ours. I drunkenly texted him an angry message and then profusely texted him with apologies the next day. I know that he is still pissed off about it, but I was wondering if there was any way we had a chance to be in a relationship? Before all of this, lots of our friends thought that we would eventually end up dating.
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 8 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming situation.

Customer:

Thanks for taking the time to read my situation. I tried to be as detailed as possible without going overboard and overwhelming you, haha.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome, thank you for joining the chat

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thanks for that, no many people do that here :o)

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

From your message I see you just started sharing like friends with benefits a few weeks ago, when you ended it once he was unwilling to go any further than that, right?

Customer:

Yes. And his reason for not wanting to go further was because he said that he didn't want to have to care about someone that much, which is where he said he was torn because he really cared about me.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This shows he liked you for sure, otherwise he would never had got that close, but at the same time you were expecting from him more than what he expects from you, and I believe that if you want to have any other chance to get back to what you had before, you would have to come to terms with the fact that it would have to be in his terms, and for that, you would need to be very careful, if you really can and were willing to afford it, since he is literally telling you that he does not want an exclusive relationship nor even to have any responsibility about taking care of you as his girlfriend or anything closer to that.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Obviously this is very painful and frustrating for anybody in your shoes, since his words are inconsistent, contradictory and his actions finally show you he truly dos not want to have any responsibility around you, which sounds very selfish for sure, but unhappily that;s the way he feels and he set that clear boundary, and I do not see him being willing to change it at all, even more after this recent episode.

Customer:

Yeah, I understand that it would have to be in his terms. He told me a few hours before the party that he would love to try and make it work with me, but he felt that I was too timid. I still feel like things could eventually work out, but maybe that's just wishful thinking.

Customer:

I will be seeing him in about half an hour when I meet one of our mutual friends to do an interview for our school radio. Do you think it's worth a shot to try and make amends with him there?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Right, it is very sad, since you already know from experience how it was before this incident, and what you would have to afford. It's obvious you did not feel comfortable, happy nor fulfilled with his approach, and you would need to be very realistic about how things could continue the same pattern in order for you not to get more hurt.

Customer:

He was very loving when we were just hooking up, and it was almost as if we were dating but without the labels involved.

Customer:

In fact, a lot of our friends pointed out that it was like we were dating. I would just like to try and get things to progress because I feel that we have potential to get there. We have a lot of chemistry.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You know him, his personality and reactions, please use that knowledge and experience and depending on how open and willing you notice him to talk about it or not, you would suggest it and fully respect his decision, for him to see that you do no want to push it at all, but to find the best time to talk about it.

Customer:

Thank you for your help in all this.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then go for it and let's hope the best. You would only know from trying and it seems worthy.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Keep in touch to follow up.

Customer:

I think I'll go for it then. And I will, thank you!

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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