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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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So Ive been with Jeff almost two years. Everything is perfect

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So Ive been with Jeff almost two years. Everything is perfect with us I have actually felt like I found my true soul-mate. We have never been in an argument, there is no trust issues, no jealousy, no drama, and no nagging. Its almost too good to be true. Until about a month ago, so back in July I was on my way to work, I was driving Jeffs truck when something went wrong the truck rolled 3 times, I was really lucky and had no injuries. The police took me to jail said I was speeding which I wasn't. Nobody had contacted Jeff to let him know what happened, so he figured I was at work. Then in the morning I still was not there so Jeff just thought I had things to do when I got out of work. When he finally realized that something had to have happened he was worried sick. When he seen the paper with his car upside down he was terrified I was dead. He came and got me from jail gave me the biggest hug ever so happy I was okay. He never said a word about his car he wass just glad I was not hurt. So this was our only car, I lost my job because I couldnt make it to work the day of the accident and he also lost his job because we no longer had a car. He owns his home that he inherited when his dad passed away and he raised his younger brothers that are now in collage. We had some money saved to pay one months of bills but after that we had nothing. Jeff was afraid of loosing the home he grew up in. So here's the story, his mother has been tring to move into that house for years, I had no idea why since she has her own place, but she has always tried to move into our home. Jeff has always told her no, the only things I have ever heard Jeff say about his mother are not good. Jeffs dad 10 years ago was diagnosed with cancer, his mom took off and moved out to go be with another guy. She left Jeff who was 20 at the time with his 13 and 14 year old brothers and their dying father. She was never there for them or anything, the dad passed away and ever since then shes wanted back in that house. She walked away from them to watch their father die. So Jeff was in fear of loosing the house and let his mom move in I had no problem with this at all at first. So the weekend she moves in we had to get rid of a lot of our stuff, the couch, end tables, lamps, ect. So here Im thinking what she gets to take over the house? And thats exactly what happened. We were basically shoved into our bedroom and she had the rest of the house. She took down pictures of my kids, I have 3 kids that live with my parents, she took everything from my kids bedroom and had it shoved into a closet. She took over the house like it was hers and we rented a room from her thats what it felt like. So she's there a week and my kids come over for the weekend like they always have, I dint say anything to her because why would I Im 31 years old Ive lived there a year and a half. She throws a fit saying my kids cant be there and I need to ask permission first because she works at 4am. I was furious I then told Jeff I was probably going to go stay with my parents, his response was well there isnt a whole lot of room over here anymore. I was heartbroken, everything was so perfect, I packed my stuff the next day and left. His mom never moved in to help us out her plan from the begining was to take it over like she owned it. That was my home and she took it away from me, Jeff said because she pays the bills there's nothing he can do about it. I dont understand how he can let her do that when she never did a thing for any of them. Me and Jeff still have not really talked about this and I need some advice on how to go about this the right way without ruining what we have.
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 8 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help with this situation.

You have let this go too far. If you still own the house then find another person to rent the space or rent some bedrooms and throw her out. Take any jobs that you can to get whatever money you can.]

Hire an attorney or find an attorney on JustAnswer who can advise you.

You have to fight her or just give everything up. She is dominating Jeff, and you are now seeing his weak side. You cannot let her prevail. You don't want her in your life.

This is the time to be strong and fight in every way that you can.

I shall keep you in my prayers for strength and courage.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC



Customer: replied 8 months ago.

I just don't understand how somebody that has done so little for him can dominate him in that way. What kind of mother walks out on their kids and leaves them with a father who is dying? And then 10 years later prances in there like she is this great caring mother. Before I moved in there his house was a complete "man cave" I made it his home. I don't want to look like the bad person by putting my foot down and putting her in her place. I feel like he will just resent me for that. I know staying away from there isnt the answer I just dont know what the right thing is to do...

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 8 months ago.
Dear XXXXX,

If you want to continue having a relationship with Jeff then you will have to put your foot down. This incident has revealed a very great weakness in his character, and one that will show up again. He does not have the moral courage to stand up for what is right or to defend YOUR interests.

If you still want to live with him and continue the relationship then you WILL have to put your food down. You will not be a bad person for standing up for what is right, and against an evil, destructive, uncaring person that is his mother, or the person who bore him but never nurtured him.

If you let this continue, your relationship will fail. You do not want to be with a weakling who will not stand up for you. You may not see this now, but this is a test of his character and of the future nature of your relationship.

I believe that you DO know what the right thing is but you are concerned that you will lose this relationship. You are not exactly in a great position when he will let himself AND YOU be bullied by a very controlling and horrible person.

This may be end of your relationship if Jeff turns out to have no spine.

Think this over carefully.

I shall keep your family in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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