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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5099
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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Hi Dr. Mark I am back to ask more questions.... So its been

Resolved Question:

Hi Dr. Mark I am back to ask more questions....
So its been about 7 months that my ex and I broke up (he cheated on me) and ever since then I've been having dreams about him and his current girlfriend. I am sooo sick and tired of having these dreams because I feel they keep me stuck in the same emotional state of mind of anger! I've finally had enough. help please?
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 8 months ago.

Dr. Mark :

Hi. The system says you're offline, so I'll wait for you to type that you're in the chat and we'll start, okay?

Customer:

hello

Dr. Mark :

Hi. When you say you've finally had enough, share with me what you mean, okay?

Dr. Mark :

The system says you're in the chat but you haven't responded. Do you need more time?

Customer:

I mean that I don't want to dream about him anymore.

Customer:

It sounds silly but whenever I dream about him, its like I relapse

Customer:

and I wake up feeling sad and a bit depressed and angry

Customer:

it goes away but it happens every time I dream about him

Dr. Mark :

How often are you dreaming about him?

Customer:

I've been dreaming about him ever since we broke up

Customer:

I dream about him maybe 3 times a week

Customer:

I've been keeping busy. Applying to grad school, work, hanging out with friends, meeting new people, trying new things

Customer:

So it's not like I am constantly thinking about him

Dr. Mark :

But you're dreaming about him 3 times a week!

Dr. Mark :

This is indeed frustrating.

Dr. Mark :

It must be very disturbing.

Customer:

It is!

Customer:

At first I figured it was normal since it was recent, but it's annoying

Customer:

It's annoying now

Dr. Mark :

I can imagine.

Dr. Mark :

There are two ways to deal with annoying thoughts.

Dr. Mark :

And it seems that your dreaming about him is like having a thought

Dr. Mark :

during waking hours:

Dr. Mark :

you don't want to think about him, but you have the thought come into your head.

Customer:

Yes

Dr. Mark :

Here it's that you have a dream.

Dr. Mark :

So there are 2 ways:

Customer:

ok...

Dr. Mark :

One is that you don't take the thought seriously: you "trash talk" to it.

Dr. Mark :

The other way is that you go to counseling and try to work out why you are not letting yourself move on.

Customer:

I was doing ok until one day he called me at 4 am drunk I believe and left a voicemail giving me "closure". After 7 mos. I got my closure when he cheated on me.

Dr. Mark :

So, it sounds like you'd like to not take it seriously and just move on, is that right?

Customer:

Yes

Dr. Mark :

Let's get started, then:

Dr. Mark :

give me a demonstration of what you would say to yourself to not take it seriously.

Customer:

He's in love, I can't do anything about it. Move on. Stop thinking about it.

Customer:

I prefer to be brutal honest with myself.

Customer:

brutally *

Dr. Mark :

That's not being hones, that's being forlorn and a little envious, don't you think?

Dr. Mark :

*honest

Dr. Mark :

Let's see some not taking it seriously...

Customer:

Yes, but its the truth. He left me because he fell in love and it happens all the time to people.

Customer:

ok...

Dr. Mark :

That's the truth about what happened. But not the truth about your thinking about it right now.

Customer:

I have better things to think of.

Customer:

Is that good?

Dr. Mark :

Good start.

Dr. Mark :

Keep going.

Customer:

It's life.

Dr. Mark :

That's trash talking to a thought you don't take seriously?

Customer:

I'll make it through alright

Customer:

I'll find love too

Dr. Mark :

This doesn't sound like someone who's moved on and is annoyed at these dreams. Rather it sounds like someone who's very hurt, not confident.

Dr. Mark :

Do you agree?

Dr. Mark :

And if so, maybe it's time for counseling?

Customer:

Agree.

Dr. Mark :

Yes. You're such a nice person and such a good person.

Customer:

I am very hurt. And angry.

Dr. Mark :

Every time we tried to get to a sense of being truly confident about the past and the future,

Dr. Mark :

you showed hurt, worry, and lack of confidence. So counseling would be a big help, agreed?

Dr. Mark :

Can I link a good directory for you that shows you a photo of each of the therapists in your area?

Customer:

Yes

Dr. Mark :

Okay,


here is the web address for Psychology Today's therapist directory. You can sort by zip codes and when you see someone who seems like they might be helpful (they show you a photo of the therapist!) look at the listing and see if they list CBT therapy in their orientations and depression and anxiety disorders as one of the areas they work with.

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/




If you want someone who isn't as structured as a pure CBT therapist, consider seeing if the therapist also lists humanistic and/or psychodynamic therapy in their orientation. The idea here isn't that these types of therapy are magic. It's that you may want to find a therapist who will form a strong therapeutic alliance with you and will help you look at the sources of your emotions.

Dr. Mark :

Okay, I wish you the very best!


 


My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Customer:

thank you

Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5099
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
Dr. Mark and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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