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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5111
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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Hi, I have a HUGE dilemma right now. Im 24 years old, a

Customer Question

Hi,

I have a HUGE dilemma right now. I'm 24 years old, a male Gemini born on June 2nd, and I'm not sure what exactly to do with my life. According to almost every quiz/assessment I've took online, it seems I'm suited to be a personal/fitness trainer or in some related filed (fitness consultant, coach, etc.). My biggest strengths were: creative, spontaneous, and sociable. And the thing is, I really do want a career in that field where I can be my own boss, set my own hours, have personal freedom, while dealing with people in a career that I'd love and also doing good in the world (bonus). So I've gotten that down. Here's the thing though too; for a long time in my life I've also had an interest in male modelling and exotic dancing - they appeal to me because it allows expression and sexuality (*don't judge me, this is the truth). But recently however, I've been contemplating doing those (modelling and stripping) for 2 reasons: they appear to be narcissistic and it's not really benefiting the world. Are these 2nd thoughts really my own or are they subconscious thoughts brought on from years of social conditioning from society and family over what's right - I really don't know and that's where the confusion really lies. I've been strongly considering a career as a fireman because I like the idea of rescuing people and being a hero but I'm not 100% sure if that's the right fit for me (it doesn't allow the same kind of freedoms as being a self-employed personal trainer and ultimately I would be basically doing the same job duties all the time - which conflicts with my personality as a Gemini (self-expression, freedom, and choice). So here's the breakdown (in no particular order):

OPTION #1: Self-employed personal trainer and part-time firefighter
Pros - sociable, help people, pride, respect, thrilling
Cons - *firefighter only - no freedom to travel when I want, high stress job

OPTION #2: Self-employed personal trainer and part-time model and exotic dancer
Pros - sociable, help people, pride
Cons - *Model and exotic dancer - narcissistic, not benefiting the world (again like I said above, I don't know if that's me talking or social conditioning)

I've LITERALLY been up night and day all week long searching the internet, trying to find the answer(s). Quite frankly, I'm getting fed up of this. I don't know exactly what I want from you here, it's just I really don't know where else to turn to anymore. I'm extremely burnt out and I just want to get on with my life with a sense of peace, clarity, and ultimately happiness. Ultimately, I want to find what's RIGHT FOR ME !!! ***And this is IMPORTANT by the way; whatever you do to help me resolve this issue, I want you to do it from an UNBIASED NON JUDGMENTAL point of view - WHATEVER IT TAKES. At the end of the day, this is my life
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 9 months ago.

Dr. Mark :

Hi, it's Dr. Mark. Give me a minute or so to read everything you've written here and I'll respond, okay?

Customer:

ok

Dr. Mark :

First of all, yes, this is your life.

Dr. Mark :

Help me understand what you mean by "narcissistic" about the exotic dancing. How are you seeing it?

Customer:

well in all honesty (and again like i said in my post, i dont know if my thoughts are my own or social conditoining) but i have this worry that by partaking in this it only benefits myself, despite my curiousity for it. But at the same time, I can't say that becuase it provides entertainment and I too, go to strip clubs to watch females dance because it brings me joy

Dr. Mark :

I see:

Dr. Mark :

what you mean is that you think it may be unjustified to do this because it is not benefiting society, so to speak, is that accurate?

Customer:

yes, and i fear that (in regards XXXXX XXXXX in particular) I would be surrounded by mainly self-centered narcisstic shallow people

Dr. Mark :

Well, that is a good point.

Dr. Mark :

I can't quite argue with you about that.

Dr. Mark :

I am working right now in therapy in my private practice with a woman who was an exotic dancer

Dr. Mark :

and so I don't know that you would be dealing with narcissistic people who are shallow when it comes to the dancers, necessarily.

Dr. Mark :

However,

Dr. Mark :

there is rampant, almost 100% drug abuse

Dr. Mark :

(that's what got her hospitalized)

Dr. Mark :

and there is tremendous exploitation.

Dr. Mark :

I don't know that it's different for men.

Customer:

i'm not really worried about drug abuse at all, i'm more worried that i would only be surrounded by narcistic shallow people (mainly in modelling). And while, yes, a career in firefighting would be a greater befit to the world then let's say entertainment, if it's not me then it's not me - plain and simple. Things have to be done 100% from the heart

Dr. Mark :

May I ask you a frank and open question?

Customer:

ive come this far, so why not, go ahead

Customer:

lay it out

Dr. Mark :

Why do you have to be 100% this or that? Why

Dr. Mark :

can't you commit yourself to dancing part time for, let's say, 2 years?

Dr. Mark :

While you go to firefighting academy, for instance?

Customer:

honestly dr mark, I have come to learn (through bad personal experiences with a lot of things) that time is something you can not get back. That and what if i fell in love with the wrong choice

Customer:

i've made A LOT of mistakes in my life and i don't want to waste any more time

Dr. Mark :

I understand this as an emotion. However,

Dr. Mark :

you're 24

Dr. Mark :

and therefore as a reality,

Dr. Mark :

it's hard for me to understand, meaning in reality:

Dr. Mark :

if you would become a dancer for 2 years, let's say you'd take a few months to find the right club, you'd be 26.5 or 27 when you retire.

Dr. Mark :

And at the same time you'd be 2 years into firefighting academy.

Dr. Mark :

Why would that have been wasting time and not an "adventure"?

Customer:

that's a very good way to look at it

Customer:

but what if i fall in love with it?

Dr. Mark :

What would be wrong with that?

Dr. Mark :

Other than that it's like being a pro athlete:

Dr. Mark :

by the time you're about 30, you'd have to retire?

Customer:

thats very deep ...

Customer:

why am I thinking like this?

Customer:

am I scared of something?

Dr. Mark :

Like what?

Dr. Mark :

What do you think you might be scared of?

Customer:

this may sound kind of silly to you

Customer:

but we are talking openly right?

Customer:

so i'll be honest

Dr. Mark :

As openly as we can

Customer:

i'm a Christian, so therefore i believe in a higher power. I fear that I won't be doing God's work on earth with the time i have. And i stand pat on saying that exotic dancing and modelling for that matter is really just pure entertainment, nothing else. It's really no different than watching a basketball game, like you said. After all, I'd be a hypocrite if i said it was wrong because i myself go to female strip clubs, look at girls in magazines, watch porn, watch sports, etc. Does that make me a bad human being? NO, absolutely not

Dr. Mark :

That adds a new dimension. So you feel that it's okay to enjoy it, but you're afraid that if you spend time being a dancer, then you'll be going against your values. Why not, then, dance for your girlfriend?

Dr. Mark :

When you get a girlfriend?

Customer:

can i be honest about that too?

Dr. Mark :

Go ahead

Customer:

there's a part of me that really wants to do it because I'm very comfortable with my sexuality and i want to express it fully. I want to entertain women. And also, I'm not really looking for a girlfriend. I just want to enjoy having sex with no strings attached and if love happens to find me, then it'll happen naturally

Customer:

i dont think God would judge me for being a stripper or a model, i just fear i wouldn't be doing greater services in the world

Customer:

after all, like i said, i feel there is absolutely nothing wrong with it

Dr. Mark :

I'm not sure that being a stripper will get you women who are looking for one night stands.

Dr. Mark :

I think you may get more gay requests from customers.

Dr. Mark :

If "free" sex, no commitment, is what you are really looking for

Dr. Mark :

then I think clubs or going back to college has more. What do you think?

Customer:

i'm not doing stripping or modelling strictly for sex, im doing it becuase i really think i would enjoy the jobs themselves

Dr. Mark :

Well, then maybe write a contract between you and G-d saying that you'll do this for 2 years and if you fall in love with it, you'll give it up anyways because you love G-d more than that. And you'll agree with the Creator that he gave you this opportunity to have an adventure in your youth. What do you think?

Customer:

i like that

Customer:

you wanna know something

Dr. Mark :

Yes

Customer:

i don't wXXXXX XXXXXve my life in fear. doing things based on fear - want to do things out of love

Customer:

whatever they may be

Dr. Mark :

Well, adventure is one way to live from love: you really are enthusiastic about doing this and it will be an adventure. But you need to include in your contract with G-d that if you take meth or any drug, even legal prescription drugs, that will be offered to you in that environment,

Dr. Mark :

then the adventure has to stop there.

Customer:

i WON't - so thats not an issue

Dr. Mark :

Because I've had too many people come to me on the other side of having taken drugs casually and

Dr. Mark :

so how about writing it into the contract?

Dr. Mark :

Just for old Dr. Mark's peace of mind?

Customer:

are you talking about using drugs or dancing itself?

Dr. Mark :

taking drugs.

Customer:

I NEVER EVER EVER WILL

Dr. Mark :

Good for you.

Customer:

i personally don't like drugs

Dr. Mark :

Then why not allow yourself to have this adventure?

Dr. Mark :

I mean the dancing?

Customer:

why not eh ....

Dr. Mark :

Say that in positive terms, okay?

Customer:

Absolutely

Dr. Mark :

So, really you can pursue the firefighter option or the trainer option at the same time, agreed?

Customer:

yes

Dr. Mark :

Wow, that's wonderful.

Dr. Mark :

A lot of young people have to put their long term plans on hold in order to have an adventure. You get to do both. That's wonderful.

Customer:

I believe what you're saying is resonating strongly in my soul.

Customer:

I really just want to be happy

Customer:

like everyone else in the universe

Customer:

i don't want to do something good but have it drain my soul

Customer:

because i know God wouldn't want that

Customer:

are you farmiliar at all with the law of attraction?

Dr. Mark :

Yes, but I don't know what you are referring to here with it. Can you explain?

Customer:

the law of attraction states that what you put out, you get back. Like attracts like. So what I'm saying is if I really want something, and I do whatever it takes to get it, i'll get what I want back, which in this case is happiness, fun and adventure. If i do things that I really don't wanna do (based on fear rather than love), I will get back those very same feelings

Dr. Mark :

I see, that's a very nice way to apply the law of attraction!

Dr. Mark :

Feel good and enjoy the adventure!

Dr. Mark :

Okay, I wish you the very best!


 


My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Customer:

Thank you so much Dr. Mark! This is actually the second time you've helped me resolve a major issue in my life. Do you rember the last time we talked? Lol

Dr. Mark :

Yes, I do. And I wish you the very best in your future. If you could give a rating before you leave, I'd be grateful. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Customer:

Thank you. May the universe or whatever it is you believe in bless your soul and grant you your every wish

Customer:

Take care. Bye =D

Dr. Mark :

I also believe in G-d. All the best to you.

Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5111
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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