Hi, I'm Josie and I am a moderator for this topic. I sent your requested professional a message to follow up with you here, when she is back online.
If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.
That was nice of you. No rush, and appreciate that.
hi Kate, Hope all is ok with you. I Mean that. I felt a little awkward when my son asked me if we are doing Thanksgiving at my house. Because I am recognizing how unhealthy this marriage is for me and I am distancing myself, I told him that I'm not even sure if I will be here in the house. Yet, I asked him if he wants to be here. He said not if its that bad and I can always go to my girlfriends house. since my own illness, my husband does a lot of the work during the holiday but the atmosphere is very tense. he will look like the benevolent provider by doing the holiday work which is to me is simply a facade. I just don't want to subject myself to a tense environment and have the kids over as if it was one big happy family. I would prefer them to see my husband on their own accord and to see me separately. Even if we do it in the same house. Am I being inflexible?
I see, since my husband wont work with me to make things better, and if I dont want to pretend happy family, that's acting in my best interest, as my choices are limited. I think my son should understand that. Is their anything he said to me that indicated he wouldnt understand (my son)? After all, he asked me the agenda for the holiday , and not my husband. But I wouldn't be surprised if my husband takes it upon himself to tell the kids what time he will have turkey ready, assuming business as usual. Then at the table, he would feel like a patriarch, and I will wish I was somewhere else.
Wheew, very good anaysis Kate. I feel much better about this sticky situation and will keep you updated. Thanks for the chat.
Thank you for support and empathy.