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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2911
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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My wife of 35 years is leaving me. We have have had so many

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My wife of 35 years is leaving me. We have have had so many good times, particularly when the kids were young. We brought up 5 children, two of hers and three of mine, all adults who have now left home. But now she wants to quit. My first wife was an alcoholic and my new wife was my Good Samaritan and until now has been the greatest love of my life. I am desititute, please help me out.

We have had a horrific year, we moved to a new town, my eldest son then died of a brain melanoma, her eldest son had a near fatal illness (he lives in Australia) but is recovering, her daughter has had major surgery, and my eldest daughter's relationship has fallen apart after they had a later baby when she was 40, and now my wife's 70 years old sister may not survive from recently diagnosed pancreatic cancer.

Needless to say neither of us can take too much more, the stresses have become intolerable. After all this, she wants to quit, we helped one another at the start of all this but now she wants out. I still love hear dearly but she has told me she can no longer live with me.

Any suggestions?

Coach Jen K. :

Hi and welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

Coach Jen K. :

I am sad to hear of all of the incredible and overwhelming struggles you and she have been dealing with.

Coach Jen K. :

I send prayers for your Son as well.

Coach Jen K. :

Sadly her desire to leave is not all that uncommon after so many horrific events.

Coach Jen K. :

It sometimes feels safer to leave then to stay in the pain. Even if when she leaves the pain will still be there and possibly greater.

Coach Jen K. :

The best that can be done now is to be open with her about your feelings and desire to be there and remain together but that you will respect her need to be on her own.

Customer:

Thanks Jen

Customer:

Have done that

Coach Jen K. :

would I suggest that you disappear? No, I would suggest you remain as present as possible and try and find who you are again and who you can be.

Coach Jen K. :

The pain is unbearable i know but there is still life her for you to live...I am going out on a limb here but I believe your son would want that for you.

Coach Jen K. :

It will not be easy and so i will not pretend that it is...I will just be direct and honest with you that finding you within all of this is crucial.

Customer:

that won't be easy as she is giving me a rather hard time and constantly pointing out my faults, of which I have ptenty, as does she but doesn't seem to be aware of them sadly

Coach Jen K. :

easier for her at this time to place fault with you and as best you can understand that is how she is able to disengage. Please try and not absorb her words as the truth for you.

Coach Jen K. :

We all do the best we can do and we all have faults and areas that we can be stronger...so I want you to go easy on yourself.

TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

No, will try to work it out for myself. Thanks for your help


 


Regards

Peter, I am here if you need the support. There are no easy answers here as you have gone through so much and are still in it. Again, I am here if you need to process and get support.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thanks for your help. I am hopeful we will get through this year and life will gradually improve, At present we are still living day to day, there are no magic bullets and we are now at least communicating. Hopefully you will never have to go through such an awful year, and others who have had simil;ar experiences have been able to share theirs with us which have been invaluable. No more communications required thank you


 


Kind regarads

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