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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I met a guy we text each other 24/7.. He always says he likes

Resolved Question:

I met a guy we text each other 24/7.. He always says he likes me but he never called. I want him to call me but I don't want to push him. I would love to have a long conversation with him. What's the problem?
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 8 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this frustrating situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me a little more abut it? Like for how long do you know each other and have been sharing this much?

Customer: Thank you.. But I don't know why won't he call he has my number but never called
Customer: I've known him for 7 months we met on social network..
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is concerning, since it is not consistent with the 24/7 texting and interest he appears to show that way

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Has this been this way for this 7 months? Have you asked him to call you, have you called him?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What does he say about not calling you at all?

Customer: We started as friend but he confessed he had feelings for me and that he really liked me
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see.

Customer: He asked for my number at first and I didn't give him.. Then 3 months later I have him my number cause I had to travel and that's the only we can keep in touch he has all my contact information. 4 months since I met him he said you know why don't call you is because I don't want to loose you and I don't want to let go of you and it's hard once we keep calling each other we'll get attached so attached and I don't want to break your heart
Customer: I didn't bring up the phone call situation I've never had the urge to call him and once he said that I was quiet cause after that conversation we became much closer I try to hint about the call but he doesn't seem to realize
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then he actually told you this, that he likes you but does not want to fuel too much attachment to the point he would not feel comfortable nor fine leaving you when that much more attached to him

Customer: What do you suggest I do?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It's frustrating since he does literally fuel your attachment 24/7 through text messages but avoid sharing by phone

Customer: I've never been in a relationship I'm only 21 and he's 26
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Pushing him to do this or any other thing he is unwilling to do would not help for sure

Customer: I know very frustrating but I really want to call him but waiting for his move
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think he could be immature since uses avoidance instead of opening up after this long, once he was the one who shared his feelings towards you and has actively engaged in the texting thing, it's like he is keeping control of how this evolves, and it is obviously working for him while not for you

Customer: then what do you think I should do?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

because of what eh told you, he could continue to justify his passivity for weeks, months or more

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Have you ever met or talked by the phone?

Customer: No
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Do you live far away from each other?

Customer: He was studying abroad and just came back and he always says he wants to meet me .. Now that he's back we live near 15 minutes away.. but I don't feel comfortable meeting him with hearing his voice
Customer: Without*
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I suggest you to be patient and understanding but not to wait for too long, since you would end feeling overwhelmingly frustrating, neglected, and unimportant. Most people in scenarios like this, once they get finally that physically close to each other, they do everything in their power to meet. Then if he wants to meet you, I do not see what'd be the problem for you to call him, and in that phone conversation you could discuss when you would be meeting.

Customer: I confessed to him that I like him too... Do you think he won't mind me calling him first?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

To take initiatives consistent with what you share and want i snot only fine bit necessary. if he wants to meet you then there is no good reason to avoid talking by the phone before you meet.

Customer: I want to talk to him before meeting him
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You have shared with him this often for all these months, you are the most qualified to answer that question, since it depends on his personality and what he has shown you through his behaviors.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then send him a text message telling him how excited you feel about finally having the chance to meet hmm and that you would be calling him or if he prefers wait for him to call you in order to set the sate and time of your first encounter

Customer: can I ask him to call me?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sure, if you tell him it is for you to set when and how you are going to meet, I do not see anything wrong about it, by it would be proactive , consistent and not pushy since he said he wants to meet you.

Customer: But I don't want to call him and set a meeting I want a normal call to see how he feels
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then call him without expectations and you would learn from the experience

Customer: At first I thought he was lying and it won't last till today cause he's a busy man he works and owns his on business he has two jobs and went abroad for three months and just came back even when he was away with 8 hours difference he always made time for me and texting me when he could
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

there is nothing wrong with it, its something natural, while texting all the time could feel excessive for some people, you do enjoy it, then I do not see why talking by phone before you meet could undermine your chances. If this person is honest and truly cares about you, a phone call would not destroy that for sure, and if he changes that much because of it, it would just show you that he has not been honest,but has serious issues and very different expectations than then ones you have.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then again, I do not see why this could undermine your situation at all. The fact he wants to meet you is very god, otherwise it would not be normal but another red flag, then please do not be passive but take initiatives and depending on his actions more than his words you would know more about him, what he thinks, feels and wants.

Customer: thank you Rafael
Customer: You were so helpful
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Thank you for your trust. I am glad to know it has this helpful

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions or to follow up

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

since I am here willing to support you as possible.

Customer: Thank you I will if I need to and I will update you with my relationship
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sounds good. Thanks.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Bye for now.

Customer: Bye
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Bye

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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