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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1816
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I am 86 yoa. and spend a lot of time alone at home. I am alone

Resolved Question:

I am 86 yoa. and spend a lot of time alone at home. I am alone ,now. My wife is 75 yoa, and because of many calls on her time --- I am often alone by day and night. My wife is away from home a lot o Rotary Business a lot, but with the same married man, who must leave his wifw alone a lot..
This is my second marriage, in its 26th. year.

Should I regard this as an unimportant misapprehension

Where would you suggest a diversionary second interest, to occupy my mind ?
XXX@XXXXXX.XXX
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 8 months ago.

Dear XXXXX : Thank you for your question.
Dear XXXXX : I want you to think about something you always wanted to do.
Dear XXXXX : Once you think of what you always wanted to do write it down on a peice of paper.
Dear XXXXX : I also want you to think about something you have a talent in, maybe you like to build things, or you mentioned a garden. People often take their talents and turn them into little businesses that would be a great and exciting way to have something you do on your own.
Dear XXXXX : People have created businesses selling birdhouse, canning their own vegetables. There are endless possibilities when it comes to taking something that you have a gift in and turning it into something you are passionate about.
Dear XXXXX : Your wife is very busy doing things she likes to do and is often not home. You could suggest for her to set a certain time aside for you. You both need that time to bond and share certain peices of your life.
Dear XXXXX : Even if it is talking over dinner. You both need to make time for each other that is very important.
Dear XXXXX : Communication is something that always needs to be open to discuss how each person feels. You could say things like I understand you need to be out of the house all the time but I miss you and want to spend some time with you, Is there anyway we can make that time for each other.
Dear XXXXX : That is how you would communicate because you want to say you understand because you want to be positive and supportive if what your wife is doing.
Dear XXXXX : But you also want to voice your opinion that you love her and need more time.
Dear XXXXX : You are saying that you want to be with her because you miss her.
Dear XXXXX : This will show her that you love and care for her and how important she is in your life. You could even set up a romantic dinner for her when she comes home. That would be showing her that you are thinking of her and how special she really is too you. You always want to express your love for each other. Life gets do busy sometimes that people often to forget to say they love each other and how much they love having that person in their lives.
Dear XXXXX : When people first start dating they are very focused on the relationship. They are getting to know each other and they are falling in love so their mind is on the person they see a future with. People try to impress the person they are with as well. As the relationship gets comfortable things begin to change. Then I call this life gets in the way tends to take the focus off the relationship.
Dear XXXXX : People have occasions, obligations, work, problems and these things effect a relationship. What you need to do is get back to the time when you first meet, your first date.
Dear XXXXX : One thing that you could do is recreate your very first date together. This bring back those amazing memories you shared together, it also helps to look at old photos of you and her. If you do not have photos then you want to just talk about certain life events you shared together.
Dear XXXXX : The time that you do get to spend with your wife you want it always to be special.
Dear XXXXX : She will love coming home and seeing what special thing you planned for her.
Dear XXXXX : But when she is busy I want you to think about thing you live and enjoy. Things you want to do something you can be passionate about.
Dear XXXXX : You also can suggest to help your wife with something maybe so she is not so busy. If its possible maybe you could go with her to help out.
Dear XXXXX : Think about something you want to do, write them down and then begin. Thing of this as something new that you are going to discover in your life, a new found passion.
Dear XXXXX : This is an exciting time to see what you want to do and it will give you new goal in your life, new accomplishments.
Dear XXXXX : Thank you for your question.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1816
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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