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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hello, I have a long distance relation since 2 years with a

Resolved Question:

Hello, I have a long distance relation since 2 years with a Lady in Jamaica, I visited her 3 time nov 12 mar 13 aug13, recently I found out she is on 2 dating sites, one of them I found her living in NY in an open relationship, I asked her about that but she says its old she has not been on there , but when I looked at her profile she just uploaded more pictures in jan 13. yesterday I looked at pictures on her facebook page, there is a picture of her in a hotel in Negril ,about 100 miles away from where she lives, that picture says it was taken at the hotel has a time and date stamp on it is made with a cyberlink youcam. She swears that picture was not takenat the hotel but in her house, how reliable is a location date and time stamp on a cyberlink youcam? she got very upset saying she is tired of defending herself, I did not accuse her of anything just mentioned the picture. Should I believe her ? is she playing ? Is she scamming me ?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I m very sorry to know about this very serious situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is truly serious,painful and concerning

Customer:

so what do you think , is she just using me

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please confirm if you have been financially or materially supporting this person during the time you have been dating?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Yo said you supported her for "a while" but stopped. What led you to stop that?

Customer:

yes financially moral and when I visited I got her telephone and computer

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

(You said)

Customer:

I stopped because I think she is using me

Customer:

she says she loves me

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me how much time did you take to know about this person's life, integrity, honesty and real life circumstances before you provided all these material support?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

How did you happen to trust this person this much to the point of offering so much to her, and when did you start realizing she was using you?

Customer:

well she lives in Jamaica I live in Bermuda , have to take her word for it

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

And you knew her in one of those dating websites, right?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Like the ones where she keeps current profiles and activity , right?

Customer:

it looks just like a one way street, everything has to come from me, when I call she needs phone credit, when I talk she needs gas electricity whatever, when I visit she needs several hundred dollars to get to me

Customer:

I think I like her very much

Customer:

yes are you interested on facebook

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see. Then I am sorry but have to confirm tht everything you describe here clearly shows this person is a professional, who has been using and abusing you emotionally and financially

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Yes, I am aware and interested in social media, including facebook

Customer:

so there is a chance that that picture taken at the hotel, that she was there with someone else and the picture is not lying about time and location

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I have seen many people, specially men, who happen to be very vulnerable to this type of addictive-abusive relationship wasting their life long saving, and even property in relationships just like the one you describe here, literally ruining their lives and families because of it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Something are impossible to happen, and this could be possible, but it would be unrealistic and very naive to believe it taking into account the multiple red flags and the obvious financial abuse this person has been perpetrating for this long

Customer:

but she looked so loving, has 3 grown children , is a grandma grow up in a big family , I even saw and talked to her sister , her son , by the way he is always asking me for phone credit

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I totally believe you and this just match the perfect scenario for people in your shoes to be this vulnerable and for this long abused by people like her

Customer:

when I visited her she had a very loving disposition, holding hands smiling laughing

Customer:

so what about her sister brother her children , are they all in on it ?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely

Customer:

WOW so what do you suggest I do, should I still talk to her but send no money and see where this goes

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I can tell you almost identical histories from very different people, all sharing the same core common factors, people like her are professionals and have serious mental her and personality disorders, and lead a criminal life taking advantage of people like you

Customer:

oh by the way she even sent me her divorce papers, saying she wants to come and live with me

Customer:

she wants me to marry her

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I bet she does. My suggestion would be for you to end every form of communication with this person immediately, but if you find it hard to do this, please do not give her one more cent nro material thing, and you will see reality and will confirm who this person truly is

Customer:

no matter how hungry she is , has no light no gas no internet and so on

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you fail in this plan and continue to give her money or any material thing, then you would know for sure she is a very dangerous criminal and that you have a very serious love addiction disorder.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This person is not disable and is actively engaged in online dating and phone communication, and their own children know how to push material or financial benefits from other people, then it is obvious to me that you would not be able to get any good experience from this person but only pain and suffering, plus very serious consequences in your personal lief and finances

Customer:

I believe she is mad right now, because I found that picture and confronted her about that, she swears it was taken at her home

Customer:

dangerous how? should I file a complaint with the local police

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please do look for professional psychological support and help from your family and close healthy friends, since what you are describing here is very serious it shows you may be suffering of love addiction and allowing this person to use and abuse you, and this could get much worse unless you face reality and choose to take better care of yourself with the right support.

Customer:

my psychologist said the same thing

Customer:

so she is a fake scamer

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely, but the most important thing for you to do

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please do take this very seriously, it is very concerning and you don'twant to get worse, it could literally destroy your mental health and life. Please dos seriously consider my suggestions, and commit to you psychotherapeutic process with your psychologist and join a support group to complement benefits from individual psychotherapy

Customer:

ok and dump her ASAP

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely! She will do everything in her power yo manipulate you, to make you believe she loves you and that you are mean and make her suffer, and this is why you need all this consistent support, or you would relapse and get even deeper into this nightmare.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for your trust. Bye for now.

Customer:

thank you very much for opening my eyes

Customer:

Bye for now

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Please do take full consistent action!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Bye for now

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist
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914 Satisfied Customers
MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach