How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Mark Your Own Question

Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5111
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
50444359
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Mark is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi, I am 42 old female and masturbates unconsciously in my

Resolved Question:

Hi, I am 42 old female and masturbates unconsciously in my sleep. I don't drink and not taking any new meds.
I have fantastic sex with my husband. He is getting frustrated with this. I am not diagnosed with any sleep disorders. Just have financial issues.
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 9 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know how this situation has been affecting you.

Customer:

Plse can you help me with this problem

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me how you feel about it and how has it been affecting your marriage?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

For how long have you been experiencing this problem and what does your husband tell you about it?

Customer:

I feel embarrassed by this and it's causing fights

Customer:

A few weeks and he does tell me about it

Customer:

What can I do to stop this

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Coudl you please tell me more why he is feeling this upset about it to the point of becoming this hostile or abusive?

Customer:

Not hostile but it's causing a problem

Customer:

Is there something that I can do to stop this

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

First it is essential to understand that this is something that you cannot consciously control, and to blame or punish yourself or to be pushed by your husband because of it is the last approach you need here, since it could only cause and promote more pain and distress.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

First you need to relax, to do focus on doing everything you can to slow down, in order to better cope with financial and any other issue or stressor affecting your life, and obviously, your husband needs to play a gentle, understanding, loving and supportive role.

Customer:

So are you telling me that there is nothing that can be done

Customer:

He is understanding but it's a problem

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am telling you that there is a lot you can do about it, that this is something you are not willingly and consciously creating to hurt yourself or your husband, but that is fueled by stress and a way your body and mind have to get some relief from this stress you experience n your day to day life, and that working on reducing theta level of stress, improving coping and getting better understanding,empathy and support from your husband without reacting this negatively about it, this natural process would go away, leaving you more relaxed and wiser too.

Customer:

So is this caused by stress

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Most of the time, it is as well as by any other negative feeling or emotion that the person does not know how to effectively cope with

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you try this and it does not work, then please look f or professional psychotherapy to work on it

Customer:

I have been reading about this and found out that a lot of women suffer from this. It's a sleep disorder but it doesn't say what can be done. Is there something I can take for it

Customer:

I want to stop this as it is very embarrassing

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you feel this overwhelmed by it and unable to cope, then please do not delay getting professional support through psychotherapy, which would be the most direct and effective way to approach it and work on a solution.

Customer:

Thanks

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions or to follow u, since I am here willing to support you as possible.

Customer:

This didn't help much cause I thought that u would have a solution to this issue.

Customer:

After reading peoples stories , I knew this but thought that you could help me

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry but nobody can give you a solution for your life personal or marital problems, people and help you to work on yourself and life in order to make necessary changes, to better understand your self, for you to work on your own rehabilitation and grow, but not to resolve your problems as nobody can live your life for you. This website is for general information only to guide people on their concerns, and it is not to resolve problems nor to replace counseling or psychological treatment, and it's obvious you need and to get professional psychological support since you and your husband feel overwhelmed by this situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I will opt out this questions for other experts to reply, perhaps you could get better support, including suggestion to try psychiatric medication, which I would not suggest, but you are the only one who could decide what you want to afford here. Thank you and take good care.

Customer:

Thanks

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 9 months ago.

Hi! I'll be glad to follow up on your discussion with Rafael and help you with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You have a loving and good relationship that is satisfying to you. You have a good life with your husband. You have stress because of financial issues. This, however, is common to most people today, no matter what country they live in. You've had medical examinations and they came back normal. This is good, but it makes the situation even more frustrating and mysterious. It is really frustrating, for sure.

Because you have already checked things out medically, the solution will have to come psychologically. However, we can't really try to find the solution with traditional psychodynamic psychotherapy. This is the type of long term therapy where you work to bring out into consciousness those things that you might not be aware of in yourself. And the unconscious masturbation would eventually emerge and be understood. But that route takes a long time and is thus expensive. And you're having financial difficulties, so this traditional solution is not really a good one for you.

I rarely recommend hypnotherapy. But here I'm going to. Because there is no other symptom of a life problem that is debilitating going on. Please note I am talking about only hypnotherapy, which is a recognized form of psychotherapy used by psychologists and psychotherapists. So I'm not talking about people who put in ads in newspapers for hypnosis. Maybe those are useful or maybe not, I can't say. But a psychologist trained in hypnotherapy is a real licensed therapist. Even so, here's the important statement about hypnotherapy: hypnotherapy can help with a specific problem and that's why I'm thinking of it. HOWEVER, there are good and honest hypnotherapists and there are other types. Your only way of assessing is two ways: first, make sure he or she is a licensed psychologist or psychotherapist. Don't let anyone tell you they are a licensed hypnotherapist. There is no licensure in most states in the US, for example, that I know of. It's all a "self-licensing" which is not good enough. So you want to know his or her license number as a psychologist and call the appropriate licensing board to make sure there have been no complaints filed. Please do not skip this step.

I don't know what the licensing agency is in South Africa, so this will be an important thing for you to find out so that you can choose the hypnotherapist wisely. However, I think this right now is your best solution because hypnotherapy typically does not take very many sessions. Thus, the financial burden should not be as great on you as traditional therapy. And the results should be quicker since you don't have other life problems going on.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5111
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
Dr. Mark and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 9 months ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions