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llw26
llw26, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 63
Experience:  LPC - September 2011. Counseling skills.
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any pretty woman to chat with

Resolved Question:

any pretty woman to chat with
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  llw26 replied 10 months ago.

llw26 :

Hello! What specifically is your question? Do you want to know how to talk to women?

Customer:

different things

llw26 :

Okay, so what's the first thing I can help you with?

Customer:

its like i don't understand woman want men to earn love or sex but women never earn it they just take it.

llw26 :

So you feel like you have to prove something to the women you date, but you feel as though they don't have to do the same? Like there's no balance?

Customer:

no like they want you to earn or do things but then they never do things. they just recieve.

llw26 :

Okay, I understand what you're saying. Tell me about some of the relationship's you've had...have there been any where thy have done things for you and it hasn't been one sided?

Customer:

are you married? or with some one?

llw26 :

I am wondering why you are asking that question? Is it important to you to talk with someone who is in a relationship?

Customer:

do you expect for him to do all these extra things to get love? do you return the actions

Customer:

no you can be single i want your knowledge as a woman

Customer:

im 34 and you

llw26 :

Well I think everyone is different and everyone is going to answer that question differently. I believe that in a relationship there should be a balance on both parties. I do not think one person should have to do more with the relationship than the other. If there isn't balance then a discussion should be had regarding such.

Customer:

I'm just trying to know why this happens like for example lets say you have a girl friend and she invites you to bed early but then its like she wants to sleep. When I could be watching some tv or just doing things i want to do.

llw26 :

Is it that she wants to cuddle before falling asleep? Or is it that she doesn't want you doing something without her? Or do you not discuss why she is asking you go to bed at the same time?

Customer:

but when a man invites you to bed he looks like he want sex all the time

llw26 :

I understand what you're saying. There is a presumption based on the persons gender as to what they want if they're asking you to go to bed. Have you ever discussed your thoughts/feelings with a partner?

Customer:

it always seems one sided.. and its like always being accused of loving myself but she always wants to sleep and its like your interrupting her

llw26 :

Yes, that would create some tension within the relationship.

Customer:

this gets annoying...loving myself means the (M) word. that bothers sometimes because you getting accused but what are you suppose to do when sleep become a priority to her

Customer:

maybe she is cheating on me?

llw26 :

Right, well have you ever talked about it?

Customer:

about what cheating

llw26 :

Oh I am sorry, I didn't read that part...I was talking about the sleeping problem. Second question: What makes you think she is cheating?

Customer:

cause she never wants some

Customer:

sleeping issue I'm crazy allegedly

llw26 :

Okay. Have you discussed why she does not want sex?

Customer:

i get accused of wanting it all the time

Customer:

and its not the case

llw26 :

Do you ask her why she's making that assumption?

Customer:

one sided answer she give me

llw26 :

That would be very frustrating. How long have you been together?

Customer:

5yrs

llw26 :

Have you always felt things were one sided?

Customer:

no

Customer:

so now i made the gym a habit and now something is going on she claims

Customer:

you there lindsey

llw26 :

When did things change from being a relationship to being one sided?

llw26 :

Sorry about that.

Customer:

it happens on and off

llw26 :

Have you two ever thought about seeking couples counseling?

Customer:

thats why i ask if you are in a relationshp

Customer:

no

llw26 :

I think that might be something that is beneficial, if you discuss couples counseling as a way to better understand one another and the relaitonship, especially if you feel that it is one sided.

Customer:

besides that what do you think

llw26 :

Well I think communication is the key to a relationship, so if you aren't able to communicate with the two of you and being able to understand one another then I think a third party can assist with that.

Customer:

i don't think a third party can help as its like there is always an issue. It not all about sex but I think that it sex is 2 times a month something is definitely wrong

llw26 :

Well are you trying to determine if you want to leave the relationship?

Customer:

i don't know I just want to know from another female because this is crazy

llw26 :

I think it is different for every person...just like sex lives are different for every couple. Some couples have sex daily, while others have it monthly. I don't think there is one answer to your question.

Customer:

i don't think that it is regular to have sex 1 or 2 a month being 34 years old

llw26 :

So, what are you wanting in your sexual relationship with your partner? Have you discussed why sex only occurs 1-2 times per month?

llw26 :

What are some of the things she says regarding you wanting sex "a lot?"

Customer:

yeah and i look like a sex maniac

llw26 :

Okay. What is your ideal sex life? Sex should be something that you cane both feel comfortable talking about, especially your wants and fantasies

Customer:

i know but the excuse for her is that i want all the time and it not true its just that i want more than 2 times a month i should have to be doing what she accuses me of having it right there

llw26 :

Yes, this would be very frustrating when you want to express your love for your partner and she is not receptive and at times, it sounds hostile regarding your relationship.

llw26 :

Tell me about the relationship outside of sex.

Customer:

sometimes it gets upsetting because since sex is an issue you begin to think that she is with someone else and when i try to free my mind of this by going to the gym now i am with some one

Customer:

according to her

llw26 :

Right, it sounds like you're trying to deal with your sexual frustration by going to the gym, getting active...and while you're trying to deal with these frustrations you're being accused of cheating.

Customer:

and then i think she id cheating so wow

llw26 :

Have you asked her?

Customer:

yeah then she says I'm stupid and calls me a dumb ass

llw26 :

Oh...well that's not nice...or respectful.

Customer:

i think sex is the best thing. For one its free second if your sad you get happy and lastly you enjoy it till the end. so why not do it often. this is something no one can take from you

Customer:

I'm just saying its hard to wake up with a boner all the time and not relax him

llw26 :

Right, and for the person you're supposed to be sharing this with -- it should be fun and a good time...but it sounds as though there are often frustrations within your relationship.

Customer:

yep see i think its hard for you a woman to understand waking up with a throbbing member or him waking up several times a day. it gets frustrating to deal with

llw26 :

Well, I go back to having these discussions with your partner and if she's not able to understand then you have to evaluate the relationship.

Customer:

sometimes its so bad that it starts to release on its own .. i don't know but its driving me crazy

llw26 :

I would again try talking with her...she's going to be the only one that can discuss these things with you.

llw26 :

And if she's not able to or willing to I would ask her why

Customer:

talking to i think helps women because they do this but men when things like this happen your manhood just excited all the time you need to do dsomething

llw26 :

Well then I would share that with her...women do like to talk things out, but this is also a key feature of relationships, especially if something isn't working out.

Customer:

one time i walked around with my boner for like 30 min and she asked me what wrong with you

Customer:

duh

llw26 :

did you attempt to engaged her in relations or no?

Customer:

I walked around like that to see if she got the hint and all she asked my is why was it like that. instead of calming him down. i had to go to the bathroom and kill him so that ill calm down.

llw26 :

I think in a situation like that you might try engaging her, instead of assuming she will realize sex or some form of intimacy is what you're looking for. Have you tried that?

Customer:

she says yeah not now tonight then SLEEP happens

llw26 :

ah okay.

Customer:

i don't know what to do. will you be here tomorrow

llw26 :

Like I've said, I think you really need to speak with her, sit her down and have a heart to heart and explain how much this is bothering you

llw26 :

I will be around tomorrow.

Customer:

lets talk tomorrow see what happens

llw26 :

Sounds good. Have a good rest of your day.

Customer:

ty you too

llw26, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 63
Experience: LPC - September 2011. Counseling skills.
llw26 and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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