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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5170
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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I met someone who seemed so keen on me and suddenly disappeared!

Resolved Question:

I met someone who seemed so keen on me and suddenly disappeared! he called often and invited me to various events. He was always playful and complemented me nicely but unfortunately I did not respond as I should have for protecting myself. He also invited me to an important event very early on and confirmed a week earlier but when the day came he cancelled for not feeling well. The next day I texted saying that I hoped he felt better and he called immediately and wished me a nice weekend and to talk on Monday. I have not hear from him since and feel its wrong I call him. Was it wrong I accepted all his invitations even the same day for just an afternoon coffee? Did I seem needy? But he did call more than I did. He did asked me once if I had problems but I asked about him. I never talked to him about my personal life just generally and some memorable trips. Looking forward to your advice.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.

Dr. Mark :

Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.

Dr. Mark :

It sounds as though it must be so disappointing. It's really very not nice that he hasn't called you back at all.

Dr. Mark :

Tell me, why might it be wrong for you to call him back?

Dr. Mark :

The system says you are now offline. I will try to wait for you before the chat closes, okay?

Dr. Mark :

Hi. I'm sorry that when you came online, I was already logged off. Shall we try again?

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.
Hi. I'm sorry that by the time that you came online, I was already logged off. And then when I came back online, you were already offline. So let me answer your question in this format. And you can reply back if you have a follow up question, okay?


This is a very difficult question that you are struggling to grapple with. I worked via Skype with a woman in Cyprus for a number of months. She was also single. And in that time, there were a number of men who she met. But most were tourists, visitors to Cyprus. Sometimes she would meet people at parties and they would exchange phone contact information but the man didn't follow up. Very similar to the situation you are facing.


But other times, it wasn't because the man was not interested and just didn't follow up. It was because he was truly busy and hadn't had a chance to reply. His company he worked for required his attention and he replied only later.


And then another time it turned out that the man who she met was busy collecting women's phone numbers and he only contacted some and not others. This is very not nice. She only found out about this because one of the other women whose phone contact information he got was her friend and he did contact her friend. Really, though, when you think about this, you would not want such a man to call you anyways, right?


So, there are a few possibilities. You feel it's wrong for you to contact him since he was supposed to follow up and contact you. I can appreciate that. He has your information and, unless he lost his phone, then it is correct for him to have the courtesy to reply to you.


But you did not do the wrong thing by accepting his invitation to go for coffee. This is not considered being needy today. It is considered normal today. That was not being needy and should not have made him decide to not contact you. In every country today in Europe and the US, it is a customary thing for a woman to accept an invitation to go for coffee. It is not considered either forward or needy.


If you would like to follow up with a reply, please feel free. Okay, I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


By being 'needy' I meant for accepting all his invitations and the same day ones .Would it have better not to be available all the time? When he cancelled the last date he realized that I was disappointed and knew that I was interested in him. For this reason he might feel that I will always be available for correct?

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.
This is such a difficult question for women. I want you to know that I get these questions from almost every country. It is an extremely widespread worry for women today. So don't feel alone in this uncertainty and this concern. And I even get this question frequently from men as well. Because the reverse situation can happen as well, where a woman will initially show interest and then all of a sudden she's not available or she doesn't return calls, etc.


And the man in that situation will write to me and ask me what he might have done wrong that made her become standoffish: maybe he seemed to needy, or too pushy, or too eager, or too....whatever.


We live in a time when there are no easy rules to follow when meeting someone and when dating. That makes it so hard for both men and women.


So you see, it is very difficult to try to examine your behavior under a microscope and decide if there is something about what you did that made the other person behave in a way you didn't want. There's just too much you don't know: did something happen in his life that has taken his concentration? Is he a "user" and found someone more promiscuous to occupy his time? Did he actually have a girlfriend and she came to Cyprus all of a sudden to be with him?


In other words, your behavior is only a small part of what might have caused his behavior. He is the main reason for his behavior no matter what.


I have found that people do their best when they don't overanalyze themselves. You were interested in him and you were enthusiastic. Did that drive him away? Well, it shouldn't have. You accepted his invitations; did that indicate you are needy? Not automatically, no.


You acted honestly and openly. That's good behavior. I honestly do not recommend you become standoffish because of this. What if the next man you meet is more shy and he gets discouraged because you are not accepting his invitations? Do you see how trying to change who you are can be counterproductive?


So, accept that he is behaving because of who he is. And you have a right to be who you are. And so if you want to text him and ask him what has happened, that is okay in today's world also. If it is something that you would be comfortable doing. If not, then don't contact him and move on. That's okay as well. But don't overanalyze yourself, okay?


I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5170
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
Dr. Mark and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.
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Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships