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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hello, My name is Hide(he-day) and Im a 58-year-old single

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Hello,

My name is Hide(he-day) and I'm a 58-year-old single man. My best friend/buddy is 60 year-old classy woman who had a wonderful XXXXX XXXXXfe through 2 long marriages and a one long romantic relationship. She and I come from completely different world, completely different upbringing and yet, we feel we've been together forever and we do almost everything together, except sex. She's very spiritual woman. Currently she's living with me.
She treats me more than just a good friend however, she clearly told me recently that she love me very much as a friend but as her significant other, she could not live with me. She went on saying that she believes that I'm a diamond in the rough and that she would be willing to polish me to shine. Lol. I think she wants me to elevate me to her level. I said to her that most of me in my age would say "No!" But she instead that she wouldn't be with me if I were such a man and if I were just a Don Joe. I'm flexible so I would try to learn something from her to better myself. Whether that would be good enough for her or not,it's all up to her. Right now, for her, I'm the only man she wants to be with. I have a feeling for her but because of this situation,I have no idea what will happen to our relationship.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this frustrarting situation.

Customer:

I keep the distance from her in a way so that I won't expect anything special from her other than having a great friendship with her now.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I can see you have been sharing in a very unique way part of your lives, finding in mutual respect, caring, affections and support a wonderful source of meaning, happiness and fulfillment; but that this relationship has been focused on a very deep and special friendship where no sexual sharing has been present, exclusively because of the way she feels about it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do support your decision, since if keeping and fueling further attachment and expectations about her, while she does not reciprocates, would only lead you to further frustration and pain, while undermining the friendship that you have built.

Customer:

You're absolutely right about it. she doesn't think she would get this kind of friendship with anyone. She said that she might get into a relationship with someone but that she

Customer:

feels that we would get together again....

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, then she is being very clear, honest and direct here about her feelings and what she wants and is willing to share or not with you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think that as long as you keep a realistic and proactive approach , you would be able to take good care of yourself, while enjoying your friendship as possible, while hoping time would give you another chance and see if her feelings towards you change, and if not, you'd still have a unique connection, and a healthy and fulfilling friendship.

Customer:

My problem is that....if I find someone to date and if she finds out that I have a female room mate, that would definitely cause a problem for me. Most of women would say

Customer:

No,thank you!".

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is why you need to be very clear about what truly works for you, and you want to afford or not, otherwise it would not be healthy nor promote your happiness and well-being but you would be self-sabotaging.

Customer:

I know....so in a way ,I'm stuck with her. Lol. She said to me that wouldn't be a problem with her but I told her otherwise.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Right, you need to set your priorities and choose what you truly feel would be the best way to take good care of yourself.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

She is already doing that, and will be dating, then I believe you should be doing the same.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

She is offering you a nice friendship, and that's what you have and can continue to enjoy as much as it keeps being mutual, then it is time what would show you how things evolve between you and if you have a change of heart based on reality.

Customer:

Thank you for your good advice. I'll have to check the reality from time to time on our friendship.

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