Even though your friend had to tell him I still feel he would have wished you a happy birthday.
But your friend gave him a good excuse to contact you. It made things less akward for him.
You don't want to be mad at her for that because she was just looking out for you. She knows how much you care about him and she wanted him to wish you a happy birthday.
She just didn't want you to be disappointed.
Even though she told him he did not have to say happy birthday so I feel this is a good step in the right direction.
What you want to do now is contact him and tell him all about your birthday.
It is a good conversation starter. Then tell him you wish he was there.
Im scared to! I accidently unadded him on snap chat then readded him which im sure got him to think what? then i liked his instagram picture today and i NEVER do that do u think hell think anything of it?
Debra are you there?
Okay and yeah it was kinda a big step for me to though cause i have never liked one of his pictures...
That was really good that you took that step because it shows him you are interested in what he is doing.
I feel you should do more things like that so he knows that you want to be a part of his life.
Okay ill try and i accidently did that snap chat thing again... :/
I feel you should explain what happens on snap. You should ask him if he has evert done it because you keep doing it by accident.
im to scared to talk to him
I can try but its gunna take a lot for me to do it and i dont know if he'll even reply
Okay i have to build up courage though..
okay ill try this week cause i have tons of things going on tonight and tomorrow and i need to build up some strength to do it. I was actually in his town last night because my family is originally from there so we all hunt there and stay and my grandmas and i hung with his friends later and i missed him...is that normal? even if its almost a year after we've ended?
I feel like his friends might not have told him...but idk maybe thats cause he doesnt hang with them anymore really idk... but im so scared to text him... like i honestly feel so stupid..
I just feel dumb because i still like him and care...sometimes i feel like i should just be done but my heart doesnt let me and rejection is what i fear... i dont want to text him and not get an answer.. I heard a song yesterday that described mine and isaks relationship to a T so ive been missing him a little more...
Also i saw him tweet the other day saying something about his senior year and hockey and it made me want to cry... Ive been thinking about him a lot these past few days and how hes gunna leave and ill never see him again... and i cant help but want to stop him from leaving...
I wish i wasnt so scared to reach out to him...we had a rough breakup so i feel like he still hates me..
I am scared im afraid of what hell say and how hell react and everything...i am so scared that after this year im going to lose him forever...
Im such a baby when it comes to talking to him. I fear rejection so i dont like putting myself in those situations. I was at his house this past weekend cause i had to drop off his sisters coat and he wasnt home but being there made me miss him A TON and i just wanted to go sleep up i his bed and feel happy again... My friend isnt being much help and hasnt been lately with everything, shes kinda been whatever so i cant totally go talk to her about it and stuff. its just really hard for me to not do anything and sit here but its also really hard for me to try and look stupid... idk what i can do.
I know i need to talk with him and my mom has been on me about texting him but i feel like if i do and hes with his friends he wont reply and hell tell them even though they all love me and i really want to text him i just cant get myself too...im so scared of everything and i dont wanna be let down again... Im going though before Thanksgiving if i can get myself to.
I did it! I texted him! it took me a few hours to be able to hit send but i did it! heres our convo:
M-What r u up to?
H- Just chillin at home! You?
M-Sounds fun! On my way back from hockey.
H-Ooh where was that at?!
M- In B. It wasnt that cool but we have a suite so i went! Hows your hockey going?
H-Ooh nicee! Good!
M- Yeah! Good! Whens your first game?
M- Oh! Against who?!
M- Oooh! They good? or dont you know?
H- Idk they have a few good players!
M- Ahh icic! Did Brady actually join?
M- OMG. Hes not very good right?
H- Haha hes not the worst player!
M- No way! serious?
M- Whos worse than him?
H- Lane and Elijah
M-Ohh dont know them... is Elijah black?
M- Then maybe i do idk... Have you looked at any colleges?
H- Und and Nothern michigan
M- Oh sweet! Do u plan on just those 2 or are u going to look at some more?
M- Im surprised u looked at Und!
H- Haha why?
M-Cause thats the SIOUX
H- Haha ya but its a decent college thats not to expensive!
M-Thats true i considered there for a while but St Cloud is the same price and bigger...Do u wanna still play hockey in college?
H- Idk yet! haha
M-Thats scary to think you graduate! lol its a lot of decisions that have to be made.
M-R u excited?!
H- Not really ha
M- I dont blame you!
H-yaaa its rough
M- Rough? What do you mean?
H- Its gunna suck
M-Oh yeah! i dont want to have to pay for everything!
H-yaaaaa me neither
M-its gunna blow...
H-yaaaa it will
M- But the parties will be fun!
H- haha i guess!
M-well it depends on the college too... So anything new with you?
H- yaa and not really! You?
M- Nope me neither...Lol im lame haha
H-haha i guess!
M- Well if nothings new with you that makes you lame too!
H- Haha I suppose
M-Yeah. Did you have fun on ur birthday?
H- Haha yaa why?
M- Just wondering cause i hadnt asked you..lol u didnt even talk to you when u was at your house this summer.. Sorry!
H-Haha true! I was just wondering!
M- Hahah yeah okay! Btw thanks for letting nichole and I come over that night!
H- haha ya no problem!
M-It was fun! but i still strongly dislike buddy!(his dog) He trys to rape me...
H- Haha ya i know he does that!
M-Did grace tell you what happened when i dropped here coat off?
H- Nope haha
M- Well she was giving me a hug n started carrying me into the kitchen and buddy started attacking my leg n she turned n i hit my head so i fell and he jumped on my leg so i ran into the living room and he starred at me then he started chasing me.. ur dog is horny lol
H- Haha irs sounds like it
M-But still mean...
H- Haha he isnt that bad
M- Hes pretty scary
End of our convo
So you thought it went well? i was surprised he kept the conversation going! I expected a lot less... i was happy we talked for an hour! So should i text him back in a couple days? i dont wanna seem to clingy/needy/annoying..
I did communicate again... He had a game yesterday so I texted him. Here's the convo..Me- Good luck tonight!Him- Thanks! Then I had heard the game cause I didn't want text how it went if it went bad so I texted him again later...Me- How did the 1st game go?Him-We Won 3-0! M- Ah yay! Good job! Score some goals er what? H- ya 2 hahaM- Solid! Congrats!H- Thanks So idk I kinda feel like I bothered him...
Its hard for me to text him now... I feel like im annoying him and if he cared he would text me... plus the whole other girl thing set me back cause it hurt seeing that... What does she have that i dont? I wish i could just win him over... I dont understand..
This weekend was CRAZY! So my family is originally from the town isak lives in so we went up for Thanksgiving and stayed the whole weekend. He had a couple games so i went to the one on friday and that girl i mentioned she was back from college and she was there and i think she knew who i was because i was standing in line and i recognized her and turned so she couldnt look at me then she moved to look at me again. Then i went and sat down and Isaks little sister came and got me so i could go talk to isaks mom and i went and sat down by her and shunay was like 5 rows infront of us and she kept looking back at Isaks mom and i. Then i went on saturday and she was there again and she saw me and i was with isaks little sister eating and i went to go sit down and shunay came and sat like 3 rows ahead of me then after the game i went to pizza hut with my grandma and i accidently parked next to shunay and she was like one booth over from me it was weird.. then i went and drove around with isaks cuzin who is also my friend and he saw isaks truck was running so he pulled over on a different street where we could see isaks truck and he texted isak and was like Sup? and isak said " Not much just going over to shunays cause for some odd reason she wanted to hang" i was PISSED! so then his cuzin took my phone and texted him this:
Me- Hey isak im in town chillin at my gmas really bored would you w***** *****gout later tonight?
Him- Haha well im actually going to zebs house!
M-Oh whose all there?
H- Umm hockey team!
then i didnt text him and i had to drop his cuzin off at cenex cause thats where he was meeting isak and so isak comes and starts drifting and whipping shitties and i just got in my car and left. Then later it was like 1 in the morning i actually texted him this was our convo..
Me-So since we didnt get to hang this time can we possibly when im back again? Just like watch a movie or something?
Him- Haha would that be weird??
M-Idk if you made it. It wouldnt have to be.
M- Its not like super serious get back together stuff. its just watching a movie ya know?
M-I was afraid you were thinking that... Ive let go of our not so good past and want to move forward so watching a movie or even skating will help. Idk if you have moved on from what we said to each other but i have and i dont wanna remember it or be reminded we said dumb shit but we were mad so i hope your over the past and okat with a mocie or skating as just starting over
H- Im over it but i didnt know if it would be awkwardM- I gotcha! i wouldnt want it to be awkward so if try hard not to make it! if your willing to can we just try a movie or skating?
H-If im not busy i suppose!
M- Okay dont chicken out on me..
H- Haha okay!
M- Why r u still up?
H- I was at zebs!
M- Oh yeah your cuzin called me... was it fun?
H- Idk not really everyone was just hammered except for like 3 and me.
M-Oh makes sense! Was keez drunk? I saw his instagram pic
H- Ya haha
M- Oh lord... Ur mom was so cute at the hockey game! She was cheering for you and then shed get mad and yell at you! it was cute!
H- Haha that doesnt surprise me!
M- But when i was talking to your mom and aunt shunay kept looking at me...does she know who i am?
H- I have no clue!
M- Ohh haha! alright! Do you and shunay still talk like a thing or no?
H- No she just wanted to talk we havent talked in awhile!
M- Ahh icic fun fun! ur mom mentioned you playing juniors?
H- I have no clue yet!
M-Oh she was telling me about it but u had told me before that u didnt know so i didnt say anything.. ur aunt thought i was married too by the way..
H- Haha really!
then the convo was boring kinda? well just nothing to do with us like this part i told you about! Im freaking out cause i feel like he wont hang with me...i want 1 last chance at this!
Do u think ill back out? Like not hang out... i havent talked to him in a couple days cause ive been stressing over it and i didnt want to say things that would scare him like randomly say oh my i miss you soo much what not what not... i can text him later this week because he has a hockey tourny this weekend but im just scared hell back out...
oops my bad i meant him...i feel like he will back out... I would text him but we have nothing to talk about...
I will after his long weekend of hockey! I just feel like he will bail cause he thinks about what other people will say and stuff i really hope he doesnt but i f have a feeling he will idk tho...
Okay ill text him! im just really afraid of him being caught up in what people think and not take a chance and hang out ya know?
I am hanging out with him but not just us two. His cousin and my friend will be with but i friend thinks that shes gunna ditch isak and i and idk how well thats gunna go and im super nervous and i cant not think about it without getting major butterflies..
I know that right before we hang out i will be freaking out because just thinking about it my stomach goes crazy... I just feel so compared to the girl he went to prom with and had a little thing with... I feel like i cant compare to her...
Of course we ended up not hanging out... He had hockey Friday night and he didnt get back from his game till like 2 or 3 and then he was up at 5 to go watch his friend race in another town and so when i texted him " Im with Marco and Nichole met us behind cenex" i didnt get a reply then marco tried calling him and he didnt answer so we went to his house and nichole went up to the door and asked if isak was home so his dad went and checked and isak was sleeping.... so we ended hanging out just the 3 of us and i never got an answer or an apology from isak i feel like he honestly doesn't care at all... what do i even do now?
But i feel like he wants nothing to do with me...
What am i suppose to do now that i feel like he wants nothing to do with me.. that makes me super afraid to text him...
I havent talked to you in a long time! not much has happened... I have realized everything ive done had gotten me closer but not to close...he is talking to a new girl now...it hurts and i know i need to be done and i wish i could be but i cant and its hard...i have no one to talk to... they all have turned on me. Its tough time for me and its hard for me to get through... Yesterday the girl he has been recently been talking to and currently is followed me on twitter idk how she knows me... ive never seen her in person or been around her. She isnt good friends with isaks sisters so idk how she found me or heard of me... and idk why she would have followed me... im and ex... ugh! its not fun being me anymore.
and most of my friends said that they think he could have brought me up.. but why would he? hes the one who ended it and wanting nothing to do with me for the longest time so why does he get to say my name to another girl? The only reason i could think of is when you still care you still talk about them and idk if thats true but maybe thats why...or he said something bad about me.
Okay...they lost a kid in their town who graduated last year so they are going through a tough time there and last night i tweeted "Tears are apart of life, they conqure the impossible, they make you feel alive." and she favorited my tweet like 2 seconds after i tweeted it... it was crazy fast and that kid that said isak was obsessed with her well he said he didnt actually know. so idk...im just scared.
Okay i will! also tonight he was with that kid that told me those lies and they snapped me and i didnt recognize him because it was at a weird angle and they snapped me 2 more times...why do they do that to me?
But they were at a party so maybe that's why they snapped me idk...I actually haven't talked to him in a while since the time we didn't hang out...I'm planning on texting him on Thursday because he has a game against a tough team so I'm going to wish him good luck but I've honestly been doing nothing. Idk how to feel about the other girl though I feel like since she's from there she's gunna get him ya know?
Today school is cancelled because of a blizzard so he doesnt have his game...i feel like since he talks to her if i txt him he is going to be a bit standoff ish...i havent talked to him in a while so idk how it would go... I also tweeted and that girl retweeted me... then today i saw her tweet and isak favorited it...i feel like he actually is into her.... it scares me..
Sorry debra i didnt talk to him that day i have yet to. I did though almost run into seeing him twice yesterday! i took his sister to lunch and when i went to drop her off his pickup was running and he walked out right as i drove away and then i went skating with a friend earlier and we left her car at the rink and after i dropped his sister off i went to bring her to her car and he had just pulled in so we took a little extra time getting to her car...
I just feel really replaced... like that girl is going to win over his family and take everything i once had... his sister doesnt talk to me anymore i just feel so super replaced..
I just feel really replaced... like that girl is going to win over his family and take everything i once had... his sister doesnt talk to me anymore i just feel so super replaced
So tonight i was watching gossip girl and i got a snapchat from isak... it was his new girl shelby n it was a picture of her and she said hi. i assumed she sent it as a mass snap but i guess not and i had tweeted about gossip girl and my tweet was "That was not at all okay" and isak and shelby favorited it and then i snapped them back saying that the tweet wasnt about them then they played dumb... im so pissed like why? its not funny
So her snap chats to me didnt mean she was being a b**** to me? also i blocked her and unfollowed and unfriended him
So her snap chats to me didnt mean she was being a b**** to me? also i blocked her and unfollowed and unfriended him...but he still follows me
So you dont think they just did it to make me mad? shes just jealous? even though shes with him?
I dont wanna jinkz this but i was looking on shelbys twitter and her tweets have been down in the dumps lately like she retweeted "" and "well whats new..:(" and "Nothing worse then going to bed when you are angry, annoyed, sad or crabby." also "The truth hurts sometimes " so maybe her and isak arent together anymore? or things arent going well?
But he asked her to prom spelling out prom in rose peddles and a rose below it and balloons.... seeing that hurt...
but if they are dating wouldnt he be over me?
Her tweets have been better though... maybe they are better? im scared im losing forever and ever.... i mean i guess i should have seen this coming... she posted pictures on twitter and insta of the prom invitation.... i mean he used roses so i feel like its legit...
Sorry i was going to write back but i was in mexico for the week. coming home to find out isak had hockey last weekend and he now cant go to prom with shelby because of it.... is it bad that im totally happy about that? But ive been doing okay hearing about him but im just s proud of him! i knew hed chose hockey for college and the summer even though he said he wasnt very sure i knew it i knew it!!! ah im so happy for him! okay yes sorry for being the crazy ex
So your not gunna be happy to hear this... yesterday was shelbys birthday right? and my friend nichole was at my house and she said we should snap her saying happy birthday and so nichole added her on snapchat and she added nichole and we took the picture and nichole put happy birthday b*tc and shelby relpied saying thanks and then i tweeted an inside joke between nichole and i and it said "does she even know us?" and shelby tweeted back at me saying " do you even know me? i think thats a better question?" than nichole replied to her saying " well your twitter says your shelby ***** and so imma take a wild guess and say your shelby *****." i didnt say anything then shelby snapped nichole and they were like fighting and nichole was being pretty mean and it ended eventually and i felt bad even though i wasnt the one sending the snaps and fighting so i messaged her on twitter saying "Hey shelby i need to apologize for earlier we honestly just wanted to say happy birthday and the tweet was an inside joke so nichole freaked and it wasnt okay fro her to snap you being rude, she got out of hand but i want you to know im sorry and it was stupid of me. i hope you had a fun birthday" then i wasnt following her so she couldnt reply so she found me on snapchat and snapped me saying i cant reply to you cause you dont follow me and so i followed her and she said this "Thank you... i was just confused i guess because i've honestly never met you so i wasnt sure how you guys could call me a bitch and then some of your other friends started tweeting stuff that seemed completely unneecessary because i didnt think i was being rude at all but its very nice you apologized i wasnt expecting that at all so thank you again! and i replied saying "Im sorry for them tweeting they always think its okay when nichole fights with people n it wasnt necessary for them to so im sorry they did that and the bitch thing wasnt legit its like an automatic for us cause we say it to our friends and i felt really bad after it all i needed to apologize and thank you for responding" she said "its all good! even thought we dont know each other i hope we will get along because i know how it can be with exs and what not but i really have nothing against you! and i said " haha yeah u dont have to worry from now on its all good! and thank you, ***** ***** i was afraid you were thinking i was doing this because of isak but ha no i wouldnt be that low" and she said " haha okay good!" and that was the end of it... but then today i was in trf visiting a friend and she told me that isaks sister like loves me and talks about me like im still with isak but doesnt talk about shelby like that. and also that this kid from that town was going to ask me to go to prom in trf but he found a girl so im not and my friend told emily (isaks sister) about that and she freaked she was like ahh it would be so fun if marissa came to our prom and she loved my prom dress and i guess just loves me but i thought she hated me... and isaks littlest sister grace also loves my dress! :) oh and while i was in mexico my mom uploaded a picture of me and my friend that came with and isaks mom liked it? like i thought that was weird because shes suppose to be all about shelby now not me.. but anyways..
So im one of those people who think dreams mean something when they probably really dont.. but anyways like last week i had a dream about isak...*the dream* So their schools prom is a week before ours and it was the wednesday before it and isaks sister texted me and was like can i call you and i said yes so she did and she asked if i knew isak wasnt going to prom because of hockey (which is actually true) and if i knew that him and shelby were over and i said yes to the hockey and no to the shelby thing and she said that hed been upset for awhile and came to talk to her and said he missed me but didnt want to say anything to me because he thought that i still hated him and never would forgive him and she said her parents had a great plan and were hoping id go along with it so we worked out how it was going to go and then came that saturday and his mom picked me up at my grandmas who lives where they do and we all drove down to the cities and isak had no idea so we got there at like 4 and i had to stay in the room because he was still at the hotel and so when it was game time i went with his family to the game and they won and after his dad said to come wait down by the locker rooms so i had been waiting awhile and decided to go to the bathroom and when i was walking away he came up behind me and turned me around and hugged me then said emily called you didnt she? i said yeah and he said you forgive me?! and i said i had a long time ago and he pushed me back to see my face and smiled then i woke up but yesterday my mom had told me she had a a dream about isak and i and i ask what it was and this is what she said.. she was at her office and had gotten a call so she answered and isak said " hi tami this is isak b do you remember me? and my mom said yes and she asked how she could help him and he said that he was driving around and that he had heard from his friend that she was really awesome to talk to and was wondering if he could come talk to her she of coarse said yes and he went there and sat down and was being shy and my mom said so what did you need to talk about and he said well ive been thinking about marissa lately and i miss her and my mom said okay and he said i feel like shes still mad at me and my mom said that i wasnt and he said i want her back and my mom said well isak your going to college next year and he said no im playing juniors and my mom said even worse youll be farther and he said he knew and then he asked if our prom was the following weekend after his and my mom said yes why? and he said because id like to take marissa to her own prom and my mom said well shes going with sam and he said ik about sam and my mom said she just went along with what isak was saying and said she would talk to sam and so prom came and she had asked sam and sam was all for it and sam and i did our prom stuff that day and we seperated to go wait in line to be announced and the announcer said " Marissa H escorted by Isak B" and the whole gym gasped and i was confused and walked out and started crying and everyone cheered when we met in the middle and the whole way down the walk way i did this laugh cry thing i do... but i thought it was really weird that my mom and i had such a similar dream and that it was about isak and i...
So lately ive been thinking about the future and it scares me a lot... but i have really been thinking if shelby and isak will try stay together even though they are going seperate ways after this year because of college and if it will even last cause i wish he knew i missed him and cared..but hes focused on her now and it makes me kinda feel like he will never talk to me again..
And i feel like i love him..
Long time no talk but not much has changed...I did have a random dream about him the other night though... i kinda wanna let you interpret... okay so here it is.. * I was getting ready with my mom to bring this party bus we have up to my gmas for her 60th birthday and she lived next to isak and so we drove up there and isaks dog jumped in and his mom as trying to get it out and then she did and got on to wait before we left then grace and isak came on and just started talking to me like isak and i were talking like normal people in my dream...* it was weird because i havent really talked to isak since we were totally done besides over txt and then today him and his friend marco were working together and started snapping me... isak never does this so it was kinda weird he was... he knew i was upset about the snap with him and shelby and he knew i fought with her but he never does stuff like that and it was kinda weird to me... idk what to think... maybe i shouldnt over think it.
Long time no talk but not much has changed...I did have a random dream about him the other night though... i kinda wanna let you interpret... okay so here it is.. * I was getting ready with my mom to bring this party bus we have up to my gmas for her 60th birthday and she lived next to isak and so we drove up there and isaks dog jumped in and his mom as trying to get it out and then she did and got on to wait before we left then grace and isak came on and just started talking to me like isak and i were talking like normal people in my dream...* it was weird because i havent really talked to isak since we were totally done besides over txt and then today him and his friend marco were working together and started snapping me... isak never does this so it was kinda weird he was... he knew i was upset about the snap with him and shelby and he knew i fought with her but he never does stuff like that and it was kinda weird to me... idk what to think... maybe i shouldnt over think it
Its just weird to me beucause she HAS him and i HAD him like why should she be so worried?! Why doesnt she ask isak if i talk to him? i dont understand her.
Do you really think he still likes me? its been so long... plus hes with her now.. i dont know what to think anymore about him and her and her friending me on everything and him and his family... i just miss him and his mom and dad..
Yesterday i went to my friend nicholes grad party and he was there and i was sitting eating and i saw some people coming up the side walk n i ditched so fast to go tell nichole n go get myself together and went back out and sat down n they all came and sat by us but it wasnt too bad he was kinda awkward but i wasnt but i could feel tension between us... like unfinished buisness and nichole didnt even invite him and he came and he knew i was going to be there and all of us think it was surprising that he went and sat around me but idk what to think of it all..
Okay so this weekend is graduation and i didnt get like a card invite to Isaks but his mom told grace to snap me n tell me im invited.. im not sure if i should go cause shelby might be there and then at the same time i feel bad cause claudia made a point to invite me but i kinda feel like forgotten cause of it idk...
If isak still is interested and what not why does he have a girlfriend? and why doesnt he say something to me? my mom while we were at the party ran into someone she knew from there and they asked how we knew isaks family and stuff and the guy said " I dont get that boy! he had a thing with your daughter and then reese and they didnt kiss and is now daiting shelby and they havent kissed" it was weird hearing that because with me right after kissing which i guess took a little while he wanted to race to sex and be affectionate with me but i dont understand why he isnt or hasnt been with the other girls...
I tried being nice to shelby and she just ruined it so i think itd be really hard to be friends with her...I dont talk to isak so i never know whats really going on... I was at a party in his town last friday and i met a friend there and she and i were talking about the isak and shelby situtaion and she said she feels like isak does like me and that hes not sure what he wants and that she feels bad for shelby because she had to watch him look at me in a certain way at his grad party... but i wish he wasnt with shelby cause id feel really okay to talk to him and joke around with him... he and shelby never go to a party together... he will go to one and she wont.. or she will go to one and he wont?? its sooo weird... but i just wish things would be easier by now and i mean they have gotten easier but there is still tension when we are at the same place my friend peyton whos from his town she thinks there is still feelinge because her ex is now working for my mom and when she comes over hes usually here and there isnt tension between them because they dont have feelings for each other anymore...idk what to do... i feel like if i ever said that i missed him to him or anything along those lines he would freak out...