Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming situation
In most scenarios like this, it would be considered not only unacceptable but abusive for a person to deny such sensitive information from his spouse.
If you are living together and still sharing a marital life, then how could he justify denying you the right to know about it the right way?
What has he told you about it, why he decided to hide this from you allowing things to get to the present situation?
Absolutely, it is not only not fair, but as I said it could be considered very neglectful and abusive because of the impact such a decision could have
Common sense would show that, as well as that sooner or later you would be finding yourself in this situation, finding out about his decision. The only rational explanation is that he decided not to allow you to play any role in his decision but just accept it and afford the potential risks and consequences.
Which is very concerning, since if if the surgery does not go well, then you would not have any legal power to support him
Correct, this decision and behavior becomes very abusive and even traumatic because of totally disregarding the obvious impact they have and the potential seriou\s consequences you woudl be facing in case the surgery does not go well.
He is technically free to do anything he wants to do about it, but the obvious most shocking and alarming concern here is what would happen if something goes wrong with the surgery, you not having a consent nor a power of attorney signed by him would leave you in a very limited and conflicting situation, not having received by him consent to do take good care of him and his well-being as necessary in such an unfortunate situation happens to arise.
What has he told you about it, why he decided yo hide it from you, and hasn't he told anybody else about it, specially in case something goes wrong?
I can see how overwhelmed and shocked you feel because of his decision, not only because of the high risks he is taking with it, but because of having pushed you aside from it the way he did, apparently because he just did not want to allow anybody to interfere on what he just decided too do regardless what you or other people close to him could think about it. But you are his spouse, and by denying you the right to know about it, he shows lack of sensitivity and caring about your feelings, the impact it does have in you, and the repercussions this could have in your lives if anything goes wrong.
I am truly sorry to confirm that this has become this overwhelming for you. It is obvious to me his decision not to take you into account when he decided to have this surgery, has not only been selfish but very unhealthy and hurtful, once you are still married and your commitment implies mutual honesty, respect and caring about each others' feelings and well-being, thus pushing you away from such a risky situation does not seem as something healthy nor acceptable. and makes obvious the poor communication, trust and intimacy between you.
I believe marriage counseling would be necessary here to support your communication about this sensitive issue, for you to better understand and support each other and to work on those areas being triggered and undermined by it.
I fully support you, and strongly believe this tough issue needs to be addressed with a lot of caution, honesty, being very proactive and accountable, since it is and will continue affecting your marital integrity, stability and well-being, and that's something you do not want to afford. Thank you for your trust.
You're very welcome, please look for a good marriage and family therapist who could support both of you working on this tough situation, I really believe that would be the best way to help yourselves to cope with it, heal and grow stronger too. Feel free to contact me if you have any further questions or to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. Thanks.
Right, then this is not an isolated episode but a pattern , what makes of it much more serious, justifying you get professional support to effectively address it, since you cannot take good care of your marriage while he perpetuates this pattern, that clearly undermines the very integrity and health of your marriage.
Thank you. Please take gentle care and consistent actions.
(Please do not forget to rate session before leaving the chat. Thanks).