How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Rafael M.T.Therapist is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Is it appropriate for your husband to plan & schedule a heart

Resolved Question:

Is it appropriate for your husband to plan & schedule a heart surgery without even bothering to involve me in the Doctor consultation?
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 8 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming situation

Customer: So, I would like to know your professional opinion?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

In most scenarios like this, it would be considered not only unacceptable but abusive for a person to deny such sensitive information from his spouse.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you are living together and still sharing a marital life, then how could he justify denying you the right to know about it the right way?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What has he told you about it, why he decided to hide this from you allowing things to get to the present situation?

Customer: This is how I feel & we share two beautiful children together and I feel it's Not fair to leave me out of This Very Important decision!
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely, it is not only not fair, but as I said it could be considered very neglectful and abusive because of the impact such a decision could have

Customer: I feel there are some Facts that he may be hiding from me or something he doesn't want me to know about his discussions with his doctor??? Like I said before, I wasn't even ask nor told that he was going in for a Consultation to Even discuss Surgery!!!!????
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Common sense would show that, as well as that sooner or later you would be finding yourself in this situation, finding out about his decision. The only rational explanation is that he decided not to allow you to play any role in his decision but just accept it and afford the potential risks and consequences.

Customer: Can you explain your use of the word Abusive?? If you mean, Mental Abuse....then definitely! Or I wouldn't be chatting with you if I wasn't distraught over his decisions Without Me being included in this Decision!!!!
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Which is very concerning, since if if the surgery does not go well, then you would not have any legal power to support him

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Correct, this decision and behavior becomes very abusive and even traumatic because of totally disregarding the obvious impact they have and the potential seriou\s consequences you woudl be facing in case the surgery does not go well.

Customer: So, should I, as his spouse, have some kind of legal rights, ...or should I be signing any kind of documents for him to have this surgery???
Customer: This is Not some simple out patient surgery....he's having a Heart Ablasion!!!! He's being put under sedation!!!!
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

He is technically free to do anything he wants to do about it, but the obvious most shocking and alarming concern here is what would happen if something goes wrong with the surgery, you not having a consent nor a power of attorney signed by him would leave you in a very limited and conflicting situation, not having received by him consent to do take good care of him and his well-being as necessary in such an unfortunate situation happens to arise.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What has he told you about it, why he decided yo hide it from you, and hasn't he told anybody else about it, specially in case something goes wrong?

Customer: He just seems Hell Bent on getting this Done....it's Not a Total Necessity to Do! He has Afibulation of the heart...which can be controlled by meds!! His "Text" explanations say he doesn't want to take Pills daily!!!! Explaining that the Pills cause side effects he doesn't like????? Look,...this has All come up suddenly & the boys and I were under the assumption he was doing fine??? I feel as if his doctor has him believing this is a Sure bet way to fix his heart problems!!!!!! It All seems Insane to me!!!!!!
Customer: I have eveb
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I can see how overwhelmed and shocked you feel because of his decision, not only because of the high risks he is taking with it, but because of having pushed you aside from it the way he did, apparently because he just did not want to allow anybody to interfere on what he just decided too do regardless what you or other people close to him could think about it. But you are his spouse, and by denying you the right to know about it, he shows lack of sensitivity and caring about your feelings, the impact it does have in you, and the repercussions this could have in your lives if anything goes wrong.

Customer: I have even ask him to possibly put the surgery off for a few months & try the meds???? Like I have stated,....he just seems very intent on doing this surgery!!!! From my research, one major side effect of the meds is imputance of men! My gut is telling me, he's in a Rush to get this "hopeful magical cure".....for other reasons!!!!! Like possibly, another woman????? Why these thoughts you might ask????.......well, given Fact that he's Kept me from Consultations with his doctor is leading me to Feel that there is some Information that's being kept from me!!!!!???? Very very disturbing & mentally abusive!!!!
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am truly sorry to confirm that this has become this overwhelming for you. It is obvious to me his decision not to take you into account when he decided to have this surgery, has not only been selfish but very unhealthy and hurtful, once you are still married and your commitment implies mutual honesty, respect and caring about each others' feelings and well-being, thus pushing you away from such a risky situation does not seem as something healthy nor acceptable. and makes obvious the poor communication, trust and intimacy between you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I believe marriage counseling would be necessary here to support your communication about this sensitive issue, for you to better understand and support each other and to work on those areas being triggered and undermined by it.

Customer: You have been very helpful!! Just knowing that my Feelings are Not unsubstantiated is nice for me to know!!!
Customer: Also, thanks for bringing up some Legal things that I will look into---like the power of attorney, in case things go wrong!!!
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I fully support you, and strongly believe this tough issue needs to be addressed with a lot of caution, honesty, being very proactive and accountable, since it is and will continue affecting your marital integrity, stability and well-being, and that's something you do not want to afford. Thank you for your trust.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome, please look for a good marriage and family therapist who could support both of you working on this tough situation, I really believe that would be the best way to help yourselves to cope with it, heal and grow stronger too. Feel free to contact me if you have any further questions or to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. Thanks.

Customer: But, as you stated,.....by him making These very important decisions Without Me.....further shows his neglect & disrespect for my feelings!!!! He's made some Other Huge Decisions without involving me-----Like taking a Major Job Promotion!!!!
Customer: He's surely shut us, his family out of his decision making!!!! I will seek counseling to Help myself deal with these major hurdles!!
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Right, then this is not an isolated episode but a pattern , what makes of it much more serious, justifying you get professional support to effectively address it, since you cannot take good care of your marriage while he perpetuates this pattern, that clearly undermines the very integrity and health of your marriage.

Customer: Thank you so much!!!!!
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you. Please take gentle care and consistent actions.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

(Please do not forget to rate session before leaving the chat. Thanks).

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency