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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Hello, this is a complicated question but I think that the

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Hello, this is a complicated question but I think that the answer might be quite simple....
I just don't want to accept it.... I have been seeing this 29 year old guy ( I am a young looking 45 year woman who attracts a lot of young guys) since the end of August. It's a strange relationship because
a/ after we slept together the first time (which was on our 5th date), I made the mistake of telling him how happy I was and he said that he did not want to jump too quickly into a relationship... I broke up with him telling him that I was not going to wait for him to change his mind..
Alas, we got back together because he contacted me saying he was missing me.
b/ we never talk on the phone. He hates talking on the phone with anyone. I have confronted him about that because I don't understand it.
c/ I have suggested a few times that maybe sleeping together was not such a good idea, given the fact that I was getting attached to him. His response was "It's up to you". I got very upset by this, which, to me, meant that he could not care less. But he said afterwards that he would miss me.
d/ I have told him several times that we were like friends with benefits but he totally disagreed and told me he would not have that type of relationship.
I am at my wits end, I know I have been weak and should have ended it but I am very attached to him, although I know full well that I have no future with him. Other guys ask me out and I always cancel the dates....What should I do?
He does have a lot of qualities other older guys don't have (he's an ex marine) but he does not show his feelings easily at all. We are both happy when we are together but when are apart, I wish he would call and he does not. What do you make out of all this?
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help you with this situation.

It seems that you have been leading a carefree and adventurous life, and have been involved with a number of men, because you enjoy this lifestyle and are a very attractive woman.

This time you have met a man that you seem to care about more than you would like to .
a) You say that you told him how happy you were, and later regretted it. Why? This is human nature, and there is nothing wrong with being honest with an intimate partner. When he answered cautiously you took this as a rejection and broke up with him. Do you think you over-reacted?

He contacted you and told you he would miss you. He obviously likes you as much as you like him. He has more patience than you. He is strong. He is a trained warrior and has learned patience.

b) For one reason or the other he does not like using the phone. Try to just accept it and not take it personally.

c) After sleeping with him you told him that maybe it was not a good idea. You back-tracked on this because you are afraid of commitments, perhaps afraid of getting hurt, or afraid of having to change your lifestyle. He replied that it was up to you. It is !
That was your though and you voiced it. He seems to be mature and manly and just agreed with you. You wanted him to disagree and argue with him and tell you words of encouragement? That is not the way he is. He took you at your word. He did not get into this discussion. He likes you but he wants to be more straightforward.

He likes you, and he likes being with you but he wants more than friends with benefits. He is very mature and perhaps that is why he is interested in a woman older than him becaue he wants a woman and not a little girl.

You say that you have to future with him, but to me this seems like a great present tense. Everyday is now and it builds into a future. You cannot predict what will happen but right now you two are bonding with each other.

I suggest that you continue in the relationship. If you want him to reveal his feelings you must reveal yours and make him feel safe.

Nothing is 100%. That is no reason to throw it away. You have a good thing going, in my estimation.

Keep working on it and enjoy the physical and emotional closeness that you feel for each other,. Make each day a good one, and tomorrow you can keep having good "todays",.

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
Dear Sophie,

Thank you so much for your acceptance and generous bonus. I see great possibilities for you in this relationship. Don't think about age. We are all spirits residing in a body. Let your spirits unite.

God bless you both.

Elliott
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Thank you so much for showing me that I have been tough and impatient with him. I never saw that before because I was so scared to be hurt.


I think I have a completely new vision of the situation now and will "seize the day". I will make sure I ask for you should I have other questions for you!


 


Thank you or merci (I am French)


Sophie

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.

Chere Sophie,

Je suis tres content que je vous avait assister. Oui, vous etes trop dure mais maintenant vous avais voyez la lumiere.

Je suis toujours ici. Demandez ELLIOTT.

Merci beaucoup,

Elliott Cool

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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