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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I am not in a relationship,( Requesting Dr. Eliiot)

Resolved Question:

I am not in a relationship, but have been spending time with a friend for maybe 5 months(FWB). My question is normally we get together once a week. Just a couple of days ago, I signed up for the website Plenty of Fish dating site. This morning my friend text me good morning princess renee, so I replied good morning back, then I asked why did you call me that? He said I saw it on your POF profile, so I said yah, I just joined and I didn't know you were a member. He said yes also. How do I approach this? Like I said we are not in a relationship, but he did asked me not have sex with any one else and I agreed. He even told his male friend I was his girl, not sure what means. I could be his homegirl quote unquote. Maybe I should ask him he feels about seeing me online? Please help? I know that he is not ready for any time of marriage cause he told me so, but he has had gf's in past,  He even mention seeing me more than once this week, before I .joined POF.  Will this change anything between us? I just texted him and ask if he is having any type of feelings about seeing me ?online? He said No.  Any thoughts? 

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

You are effectively boyfriend and girlfriend no matter what you call the relationship. You want more from the relationship but he just wants things the way they are which will keep you from having a more serious relationship.

There is an old country joke, with plenty of wisdom behind it. I live in the country and have heard it on numerous occasions.

A man has been keeping his neighbor's cow for several years, and milking it. One day the neighbor asks him is he wants to buy the cow. The man things for a minute and says "no".

The neighbor asks him "why not?"

The man replies, "Why should I buy the cow when I'm already getting the milk for free?"


Your so-called boyfriend is interested in other women which is why he joined POF and now you have joined but he wants exclusive sexual rights to you without making a further commitment.

I believe that now is a good time to tell him that if he wants exclusive rights then he needs to make an exclusive commitment. Otherwise, this is just going to lead to pain and suffering on one or both parts.

If you want more that FWB then you will either have to get that from him or keep your options open.

I think things SHOULD change between you two, and hopefully for the better.

I wish you success and shall keep you both in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Also, I need to add that I have recently been unemployed starting this August. Is it even wise for me to try to date knowing my condition? My best friend and my mom told me don't give up on dating just because I am unemployed. Any thoughts? My ex bf text me 3 days ago, and knows my situation and ask me to think about us working out a financially partnership. .What ever that means? I basically blew him off.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear Tasha,

Thanks for getting back to me.

Your mom and your best friend are right. You can do both: date and be unemployed.

It is possible that some person you talk to on POF, whether you see him or not, might be able to find you a job.

Furthermore, the right one might be crazy about you, and you about him, and you will wind up with a real permanent relationship, something better than FWB.

Keep up the dating and enjoy your life.

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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