How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question

Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
40019946
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi,A while ago, I was having a rough time in my

Resolved Question:

Hi, A while ago, I was having a rough time in my life. I got somewhat involved with a guy who didn't have a lot of good qualities. However, at the time, perhaps I didn't either. I ended up getting sexually assaulted by this guy when he got very angry. It only lasted about 2 minutes, and I didn't struggle. I was taking xanax and lamictal, though, and that seemed to make the xanax have quite a bit of an effect, although I wasn't incapacitated or anything. Looking back, I wonder if part of it was me playing the victim just to make him look bad. The guy apologized profusely, and was genuinely sorry for what he did. I was still very traumatized by the event and quickly developed a trauma bond to him. I had been in a very emotionally abusive relationship before, so I knew what a trauma bond felt like. I should have gotten away from him, but I didn't. I said that I forgave him, and he was relieved. He had verbally pressured me for sex for a while (he didn't say anything degrading or hurtful, just kept bringing it up), and I repeatedly said no. When I was with him about 4 days after the assault, he brought up the idea again and I said no. In about an hour, though, I suggested that we have sex. He was surprised and asked me repeatedly if I was sure. I said yes, and the next day was horrified at my decision. I couldn't understand why I did it. Looking back again, I was still taking the lamictal and xanax, although it was less xanax than during the assault. I was devastated by the event, and later angry at him for it. I guess I am wondering if my anger is justified. He couldn't have know about the medication, and he probably didn't understand trauma bonds. However, should he have recognized that it was odd that suddenly I was falling in love with him and doing things that I normally do after he assaulted me? I guess my question comes from still feeling devasted about the event. I know it was at least partially my fault, but I guess I want to feel like I'm not all to blame my own pain. That probably stems from my old relationship, where I was blamed for everything. I will give you a good tip - thanks so much for reading all this!

Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 10 months ago.

Hello,

I'm Josie and I'm a moderator for this topic.

Your requested professional is unable to assist at this time.

I was checking to see if you had already found your answer or if you still need assistance from one of our professionals.

Please let me know if you wish to continue waiting or if you would like for us to close your question?

Also remember that JustAnswer has a multitude of categories to help you with all your needs from Pet to Legal.

Thank you,

Josie~Moderator

Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Hi, I would like to continue waiting please. However, I could go with any professional, except for Elliott, if you don't mind. He has done an excellent job answering several of my questions, but I was just looking for some variety for this question.

Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 10 months ago.
Hello

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX continue to look for a professional to assist you. Please let me know if I can be of any further assistance while you wait.

Best,
Josie~Moderator
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear Kaylei,

It seems that this question remains unanswered by others, so I will get back to you.

You have to accept full responsibility for what happened between you and this man. He did not drug you, did not deceive you. You knew he was very sexually charged, and yet you kept company with him.

Right now you are in denial about your your responsbility and are having continual obsessive thoughts about him.

He is no prize, but he did what most men would have done

The best way to get over this is to try to stop you obsessive thoughts, as they are dominating your life to a larger extent then necessary.

Let me recommend this workbook for you:

Product Details

Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life by Matthew McKay PhD, XXXXX XXXXX PhD and Patrick Fanning

 

You CAN stop these thoughts and move on. It is easy to say "just stop thinking about it". However it doesn't work like that. This book will put you through the exercises and help you to heal and forget about him, AND MOVE ON.

 

May God give you strength.

 

Warm regards,

 

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions