Hi, A while ago, I was having a rough time in my life. I got somewhat involved with a guy who didn't have a lot of good qualities. However, at the time, perhaps I didn't either. I ended up getting sexually assaulted by this guy when he got very angry. It only lasted about 2 minutes, and I didn't struggle. I was taking xanax and lamictal, though, and that seemed to make the xanax have quite a bit of an effect, although I wasn't incapacitated or anything. Looking back, I wonder if part of it was me playing the victim just to make him look bad. The guy apologized profusely, and was genuinely sorry for what he did. I was still very traumatized by the event and quickly developed a trauma bond to him. I had been in a very emotionally abusive relationship before, so I knew what a trauma bond felt like. I should have gotten away from him, but I didn't. I said that I forgave him, and he was relieved. He had verbally pressured me for sex for a while (he didn't say anything degrading or hurtful, just kept bringing it up), and I repeatedly said no. When I was with him about 4 days after the assault, he brought up the idea again and I said no. In about an hour, though, I suggested that we have sex. He was surprised and asked me repeatedly if I was sure. I said yes, and the next day was horrified at my decision. I couldn't understand why I did it. Looking back again, I was still taking the lamictal and xanax, although it was less xanax than during the assault. I was devastated by the event, and later angry at him for it. I guess I am wondering if my anger is justified. He couldn't have know about the medication, and he probably didn't understand trauma bonds. However, should he have recognized that it was odd that suddenly I was falling in love with him and doing things that I normally do after he assaulted me? I guess my question comes from still feeling devasted about the event. I know it was at least partially my fault, but I guess I want to feel like I'm not all to blame my own pain. That probably stems from my old relationship, where I was blamed for everything. I will give you a good tip - thanks so much for reading all this!
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Hi, I would like to continue waiting please. However, I could go with any professional, except for Elliott, if you don't mind. He has done an excellent job answering several of my questions, but I was just looking for some variety for this question.
You CAN stop these thoughts and move on. It is easy to say "just stop thinking about it". However it doesn't work like that. This book will put you through the exercises and help you to heal and forget about him, AND MOVE ON.
May God give you strength.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC