How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy Your Own Question

Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy , Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5751
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Kate McCoy is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am having problem with my ex boyfriend - Pakistani 46 yrs

Customer Question

I am having problem with my ex boyfriend - Pakistani 46 yrs old. I am 49yrs old.
We met in March and broke up in the begginig of Augst as he wanted to find younger woman to have a chiled. Also, he is a mulsim and I am not.
We haven't seen each other for two month until he showed up at the dacing place where I go with group of people sometimes. It was on Sat 10/19. We danced for a couple of songs and talk very little. I am dating a man currently.
I started receiving insulting/degrading text messages from him since 10/25 (Fri). On
10/26 (Sat) he called me 40 times. I did not pick up the phone calls and did not respond his text messages and emails at all.
He is saying in his text and emails - " you are always in men's arms. I hope you didn't give me std. Goodbye and good luck with black men whom you let grab your ass on the dance floor. I gave you every opportunity to be with me. Cheaters and liars like you are going to suffer more for being that way with me. I promise you that.
Pick up the phone. Please pick up the phone. Can I come over?... etc"
This weekend 11/2 (Sat), He started texting me at 5pm until 1:36am plus 15 calls.
At 1:30 am, I heard someone is knocking the front door. It was him. I didn't ope the door but got scared. He sent me text "Open the door"
This morning 11/4, I found one missed call from him.
I haven't reply any of his text and email and phone calls as I thought it's better and my friend said same thing. However, I feel not comfortible to go home anymore probabaly he is waiting for me at my aparmtnet.
I believe he is not a bad person he is very lonely (divorced 5 yrs ago and his wife took full custody of their daughter and living in another states) so I really want to avoid taking
legal action such as report to Police Department. I just want him stop contacting me in any way and move on.

- To stop and let him know that I don't want him contact me any more in any way, I am
thinking to write an email as i can keep it as an evidence.
Should I or not?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your ex boyfriend might have mental health and/or criminal behavior issues. He is not only saying inappropriate and very personal things to you, he is stalking you. This is dangerous behavior. While it is understandable that you do not want to involve the police, you might want to consider it. It is common for people who are stalkers to escalate in their behavior to the point they do become dangerous.

The best way to deal with your ex, besides contacting the police, is to ignore all attempts at contact from him. If you respond in any way, you could possibly trigger more intense stalking behavior from him. He will be encouraged by any response from you, even if it is worded in a way that helps you get evidence from him.

Even if you decide not to contact the police right away (it is highly recommended that you do however, just for your own safety), you should begin to record and collect any evidence that you can of his contacts with you. Keep a notebook or folder and include copies of any emails, letters or other correspondence he sends to you. Note any times he contacts you by phone or shows up in person. Include the time, date and generally what was said.

Also, if you do have contact and must interact, be very firm with him. Tell him to leave you alone and repeat it as much as you need to. Try not to go out alone if possible. Ask relatives to stay with you or go to their homes until this is resolved. Contact the police for any tips on how to protect yourself.

Remember, most of all, this is not your fault. There is something going on with your ex that makes him do what he is doing. You have done nothing wrong. Try to seek help. You should not have to handle this alone.

I hope this has helped you,

May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 2 years ago.
I hope my answer was helpful to you. If you have any more questions, please let me know.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

If I go police department and tell them the problem, what would they do? Does it affect his and my future?

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 2 years ago.
The police typically take a report and ask you what you need. It may differ a bit in each case depending on the circumstances, but they usually make suggestions and take a report then let you know some possible next steps to take with the situation. It also helps them to know the situation so if it does escalate, they know what they are dealing with and can respond better to whatever happens.

Going to the police should not affect your future at all. You are a victim in this situation. And your ex's future is up to him. If he continues to choose to pursue this with you, he could have consequences. But again, that is his choice. The police might have more specific answers for you regarding any legal results.


Please don't forget to rate my service as OK or higher so I am credited for my answer. Thanks so much!
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5751
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for the positive rating and bonus! I appreciate it.

My best to you,

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

Related Relationship Questions