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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I really need advise on what to do about my marriage..I been

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I really need advise on what to do about my marriage..I been married for 3 years and me & my spouse have had our ups and downs.We have a 1 yr old baby,I have two kids of my own,and he has 4 kids of his own from 3 other women,so I'm his 4th mother of his kid but this is his first marriage.My spouse has always had a drinking problem and we would always argue about that because he would get up and leave and leave for a few days and then come back,this last time 3wks ago I read a text he sent to his 3rd mother of his 2 kids asking for her friend,I got really angry and he had nothing to say,he got up and left and then later on that day came and took some of his clothes and hasn't returned.we only have texted and he says he doesn't want to return to this relationship that it's over and for me to move on,and do what I have to do..I really think he is being very selfish and thinking of himself..My baby misses him so much,cried for awhole week for him,I told him to realize who he is hurting,and he said that he didn't care,he's not happy nor I'm I and whats the point of trying..He has been texting other women,going out w/his friends getting drunk,who knows what else.We haven't discussed money or support about our son,only that he will continue paying my carnote,and insurance.I still have all his stuff,which I don't know whether to throw away,drop off at his mother's or what to do..I'm trying to be strong,but at the same time I can't.It has really hurt me so much for the way he has did this and how to go about doing it,my marriage is very important to me,but I don't think it is to him..I really don't know what to do,my sisters tell me just to forget about him and not bother or call or text him,but I feel like "how" if I have his baby,what about him,he needs things like diapers,milk,child-care..I can't do it by myself! I really need some serious advice on what to do..I have prayed and prayed about it,but haven't received any answers...
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 8 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help you with this crisis situation.

I understand that this is almost overwhelming you, but you must stay steady and focused for the sake of your child and for your own sake.

You cannot undo some of the past, nor do you want to because you now have a baby that you love.

He has proven himself to be unreliable and unfaithful in at least one way, and possibly with other women as well. He will not change, and has no remorse for his actions.

You are hurting now but in the not so distant future, if you let him go, then you will see that you are much better off and will have an opportunity to make a life with a mature and responsible man who will stand by you and your child.

You must first of all come to terms with the fact that this relationship will not work for this man has no feelings for anyone but himself. He may have a narcissistic personality disorder and will never care about anyone else and will always manipulate and deceive you.

I recommend finding the best possible divorce and custody attorney and make his promises of support a matter of the law. In that way you will get a monthly check from him and the law will stand behind you.

Get someone to help you pack up his posessions - all of them - and drop them off at hs mother's house. Don't go yourself. Let a delivery person drop them off and have her sign for them.

Call on your sister's for help. They were liberal with their advice and surely they will help you keep things together.

I recommend the following book to help you understand how best to deal with this man.

He will hurt you even more if you allow him to and so you should be prepared:

Even if he is not a narcissist (although he certainly behaves as if he is), this book will enlighten and guide. Randi Kreger will help you. She is brilliant and understanding:

Product Details

Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy LCSW JD and Randi Kreger



He will try to keep you off track. I suggest ending communicating with him until you talk with an attorney. He will continue to lie to you and deceive you, and if you do not listen you will not be taken in. .

Keep praying, of course. I shall add my heartfelt prayers to resolving the situation for your son and for you.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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