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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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A girlfriend and I who have had a continual relationship for

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A girlfriend and I who have had a continual relationship for three years now have been having some issues for the past year. I could go over every single detail over the past three years...and well...we would still be talking at Christmas. Therefore I want to focus on one main topic/event and a as recent as this morning text message. (Topic One). I suggested she and I see a counselor. She refused to. She said she didn't want to air her/our dirty laundry in front of a stranger. I said ok, you would rather air it in front of someone you know then? I feel a "Couples Counselor" would need to see both parties to get a feel of both sides to make an informed assesment. Common sense should dictate that. Now we both have decided to see our own counselor's and mine has basically told me to run like hell with everything I have told her. That's easier said than done when you love a person. However, hers has said (according to her) that we need to be away from each other to allow for healing of wounds. Not sure that I really agree with either, but for sure do not agree with we need to stay away from each other with minimal to no contact? What's that all about? Ok, now for the text message from this morning. "ME" I didn't make it to Ocean Springs to get my schedule last night, I will try to go tonight and send it to you. "HER" I don't need it. "ME" Please stop Sherry. I am doing what I feel is right. I'm trying to meet you half way. Could you try to meet me half way please? "HER" I will say whatever I want! If I want to say I don't need it I will! And you WILL stop tell me what to do! "ME" Could you meet me half way with a question mark at the end and a please is a friendly request dear not a demand. You will meet me half way with an exclamation point at the end is a demand. "HER" And telling me to stop is a demand. I will say whatever I want whenever I want. If you don't like what I say you are more than welcome to not listen or not contact me "ME" Please stop Sherry is a nice request. You will stop Sherry!!!!! is a demand. Simply a request dear, with a very nice please attached to it. "HER" However you say it you are telling me what I can and can not do. You need to get it through that thick head of yours that I am done allowing you to dictate to me what I will or will not do, what I will or will not say. END OF DISCUSSION have a nice day.

your opinion on any of this would be appreciated.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your questions.

It sounds like the two of you are at a place in your relationship where communication has broken down and you no longer can get along with each other. What cause your girlfriend to feel so hostile is not clear (could be childhood issues or something in your relationship) but she is not hearing you at all. She seems to see everything you say as hostile.

Taking a break from each other as they counselor recommended might help. It would give you both a chance to think things through and to stop the hostility between you. A temporary separation sometimes can help a couple approach their issues with new perspective.

You may also want to take the time apart to assess whether or not this relationship is going to work for you. For one, your girlfriend is not willing to talk to a counselor with you which hurts your relationship. Two, she seems to feel a lot of anger towards you which unless she is willing to deal with, your relationship will never work. Both sides need to give a little before healing can begin.

It may help to continue your counseling and take some time to see if this is the right relationship for you. If your girlfriend continues on the same path, you may have to consider moving on. Not what you want to do, but it may save you a lot of pain in the long run if your relationship cannot be repaired and your girlfriend is unwilling to work with you.

I hope this has helped you,
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