Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very frustrating situation.
its not that bad.
Im just wondering how to handle it
and what exactly to say
This is very frustrating
because you have been working on it for 3 months, and she (28 yo) continues to tell you that you need to be friends first
she says she needs time to process information, since we did actually first start out as friends lol
it's just annoying though.
like someone shouldn't feel bad for wanting to have sex with someone lol
and not always be told "well if you really like me you'd do this, that, etc etc"
at some point there has to be mutual agreement ,
how do you think I should handle the situation
its only natural for a man to get annoyed spending a lot of time and money on a girl and not having sex with them lol.
emotional and physical needs...human biology/psychology
It is acceptable for a person not to want to have sex right away, but for her to make excuses not to start a romantic relationship while telling you with time it could happen does not look good at all
I think when people do that for too long they woudl just be taking advantage of you
to me it does not make sense. if i am fun to be around and i am spending my time and money on her why would i just want to be a friend.
it's genuinely messed with my self esteem
how do i make it clear to her and her sister that I want to be more than just a friend lol
is it bad manners of me to not want to be around her as just a friend ? otherwise I'll just feel frustrated.
another thing they seem to say is "whats wrong with just hanging out"... but whats wrong with wanting to have sex?
You would tell her, the 28 yo that you'd like to work on building a romantic relationship, dating but without pushing her at all, and that you hope she feels the same. If she doesn't or if she tell you she wants to but not yet, then please do not continue spoiling them materially or financially this much or this could be perpetuated for much longer and you would only get more frustrated and upset about it
of note is Im also manic depressive
so this issue is extremely sensitive to me
like being around them for too long it feels like it could trigger a depressed episode.
because I obviously want to find a nice girl eventually.. so why not her? lol
i get easily frustrated with sexual and romantic isolation
I'm annoyed by how much money I've spent on women, and prostitutes. While I see some of my peers in quality relationships and enjhoying life and having kids. it's maken me very bitter toward women
I am sorry to know you have this tough disorder, which does not help for sure
I have never had a serious relationship, I've just known some girls here and there but feel emotionally isolated from women
Please do not spend much money this way, it would not make things easier for you
Here's the problem though. At this point it makes me look like I WANT something if I ask for a sexual relationship.
and they use that against me as if I'm selfish.
but again, as is natural with most men, what is wrong wiht wanting to have sex?
especially if I'm not using her for it.
its become kind of awkward
I think you are expecting somehing from these people that they are just not willing to share with you, and that you must look for reciprocal relatioships
is it selfish of me to feel this way?
Is it reasonable for me to not want to hang out with them anymore?
Please work on developing "healthy and reciprocal" friendships. If somebody truly wants to have a romantic or sexual relationship with you, they would show it, otherwise do not push it, since it would not work that way.
Sure it is
I just feel too lonely if I hang around her as just a friend with no sexual or emotional connection.
They dont' understand that.
especially when I'm spending a lot of time and money on her AND her sister.
I honestly get a feeling that I'm getting used, which makes me feel even worse.
I think you have been abused financially, please do focus on more reciprocal and healthier relationships.
but they think it's f**ked up of me to not want to hang out with them at all anymore just because I can't have sex with them
but that's just what i want in my life right now. phsycial and emotional fulfillment, like any other guy
It is acceptable for you to share as friends with people willing to do that,, but not to be used or abused financially as a requirement for friendship
I would like to provide for a woman financially if they were MY woman
not just a friend.
and I really want a woman more than a friend right now. given my past, current situation, wants / needs for the future
that makes perfect sense
then please look for women who were really interested in romantic relationships
Thank you so much
you're very welcome
Hello, may I continue on this story.
It appears the problem with this story is given the context of my PAST with women. I genuinely never feel like I've had a serious relationship. For the past three years unwillingly it seems as if my sex life comprises of nothing but hookers. Even though literally everyone sees me as a normal handsome man it appears my romantic life cannot make any progress. I never seem to be in the right places and situations to meet women. I wonder to myself whether I'm culturally or socially handicapped. I ruminate about this a lot and it frustates me which forces me into heavy marijuana use to try and ease the thougths or create short bursts of manic energy. Even though I function and make money and live like everyone else, on the inside I feel like a miserable person, even though I have bouts of mania (bipolar). I feel incomplete, jealous, and bitter. It seems even when I appear confident my actual self esteem is so low that I'm not sure how to repair it, knowing that it makes it even more difficult to fix the problem. I have a sense of being abused and used for money by women considering I was set up by a stripper to get robbed on Parsons Ave. Especially given my lack of romance, incidents like that hurt me even more. I fell in love with a hooker in Vegas, and spent thousands of dollars on her. All the time I hated myself for falling in love with a woman who obviously did not reciprocate my feelings. It appears I am desperate on the inside for some sort of validation for myself as a man when it comes to women. I am tired of being complimented and being told I could have any girl I want, but often and almost always feeling a sense of loneliness. I feel mind f**ked ,