is this behavior abusive?
I talked to another counselor before but I'd like another opinion because I don't think my fiance is paranoid in the sense that he has a disorder. We've been together for 2 years. In the beginning he went through my phone all the time, read my emails, checked in on me by text all day long,etc. When I caught him reading my emails and going thru my phone he would lie at first, then finally admit it and promise not to do it again. He's gotten better about those things. He is always worried that I will leave him for someone with more money. No matter how much I've changed myself, (stopped talking to male friends, got off of facebook, stopped going out, etc) he's never satisfied that I want to be with HIM. I'm careful about what I say, do and wear so he won't get jealous or suspicious. He has lied to me several times but he is always questioning ME. I've asked him to not smoke pot at my house and he says he won't, then he keeps doing it. Recently I got a package in the mail. He wanted to know what it was. I told him it wasn't anything to do with him, it was no big deal. He couldn't let it go. He asked me 4 more times over the course of the week. I told him nicely it wasn't anything he needed to know about at first, and then I got mad and said he's being invasive and to let it go. It's like I don't have any expectation of privacy whatsoever. He feels like he has a right to know everything about me. When I told him he's being controlling, he wouldn't even entertain the possibility, he rolled his eyes at me and got sarcastic. Then he accused me of freaking out because I got mad at his constant questioning. Then he blew up and said "fine, keep your secrets". Is this normal jealousy/curiosity/insecurity, or IS it abusive?
I think that's why I need so many opinions, I'm trying to break it off but our lives are so entwined now, and it's good when he isn't doing these ridiculous things. I think you are right though, I need to break it off this time to show him I'm not letting it slide anymore. :( Thank you very much for your time.