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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Hi, Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now.

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Hi, Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now. Currently our relationship is harmonious and I'm confident it's like this for both of us. My boyfriend used to work with this girl, but they never really hung around. I met her only once, he introduced me as his girlfriend and I've spotted "that look" on her (the look of competition, I am really good reading body language and I know I'm not mistaken here). That was maybe a year ago, she moved away and as it happened, we both moved to the same town for uni. Suddenly, my bf asked me if I fancy going for a drink with her this weekend. I was quite surprised, as he didn't mention they were back in touch. I have swore to myself, I will never do this, but I had a strange feeling that he's not telling me everything, so I checked his phone, and found out they are texting each other after midnight on couple of occassions, she's been making sexual innuendos in form of jokes. That was at the time I know my boyfriend had to work on something for uni the next day. I didn't confront him about it, but went the long way. It turns out she is going to commute 5 miles on bus to see us and apparently, she is not bringing anyone with her. So I said, 'She's really going out of her way to see you, do you suspect she may want more than just to be friends? I mean does she give you any signs, like something out of the friends zone ?" And he said no. I am really upset he wasn't honest. And I am not looking forward to meeting her. I know if I play jealous, I will look pathetic, if I seem inviting and friendly, it will encourage her to hang around with us and I cannot exactly say I've been spying on my bf's phone. What can I do? I feel so trapped, please help...

Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 9 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help with this situation.

Go to this meeting with a very confident demeanor, boltstered by looking very sharp and sexy. Be friendly and direct towards her. Let her see by the way you address her that you are not afraid of her, but do it in a friendly way. Your boyfriend will not see it, but she will see that you are someone to be reckoned with.

Ask her personal questions about her romantic life: if she has anyone, if she has been trying to find someone, and what kind of guy is she looking for?

If you have someone in mind to fix her up with, you might even invite that person to show up as well, or suggest it.

Your boyfriend and this woman have set this up, and so you must be very careful. If he wants to cheat or start something up, then you will have to try to nip this in the bud.

You may frustrate them this time, or frustrate him, but now you know that he has a roving eye and he may be problematic in the future.

Your goal is to show both of them that you are strong, smarter, and more appealing of a woman and so you must keep up a strong facade.

If he is so shallow that he will do this to you it may be time to have second thoughts about him.

In the mean time, get through this evening and you will be in a stronger position than before.

My prayers are with you for success.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 months ago.

Thank you Elliott, I really appreciate your help. I will do as you said, and well, if he is a cheater, then I guess he's not worth keeping.

Take care

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