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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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ok so my girlfriend and I have been together for about 10 months

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ok so my girlfriend and I have been together for about 10 months now and along the way we came across an obstacle, a friend of my girlfriend that she's only met once a year ago. so this kid, B. Assad, im not going to give his full name out, ok so at first about 3 months ago i was holding my girls phone and it vibrated and i did the sinful act of looking at it, and what do we know its our friend B.A. and him and my girl had a conversation the previous day and they were talking about me and he claimed that he could be a better boyfriend than me...anyways the last text he sent her was if she would give him a chance and that was the day before i looked at her phone when he sent ???? and i deleted it so that she wouldn't look at her phone...she never responded back to him so i didn't bother bringing it up with her and i ignored cause i know that she loves me...fast fwd 2 months a friend of his, female, sent me an email telling me all that he's been doing that he has been stalking us and apparently 2 other couples, one in FL and another in TN, contacting our girls and try to convince them to leave us cause he's better than us, myself and the two other guys. she also told me that he has some of our info and follows us around; ok this kid is a freak he's also signed up to 7 dating sites, i dont get why he has to harass us seriously. alright so this girl gave me emails of the other 2 guys i was wondering if i should contact them about this...also what should i do to get rid of this guy, should i confront him? should i just block him from everything that is public like fb, twitter etc?
Please help me honestly now im really annoyed about this guy! oh yea i forgot to mention that he's bought her presents while we were together and his excuse was thinking that we split up...
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help. This doesn't seem to be much of a problem because he is "stalking" (checking you out) long-distance and has delusions that he can take away girlfriends from other guys.

He is not interested in the girls but in the conquest, and is some kind of manipulative person, possibly a narcissist.

Simply show your girlfriend the email from you friend concerning B.A. Do NOT let her know that you have looked at her phone or deleted a message and try to refrain from that behavior. Trust her.

She will understand what kind of person he is and she will know how to react.

Delete him from you personal files but do not touch hers. She will not appreciate it and feel that her space and independence are being manipulated.

If she loves you, she will ignore this man and his ugly behavior. There is nothing at all to worry about.

If you react to your girlfriend in any way, you will be playing into this man's hands.

I wish you peace and harmony and shall keep you and your girlfriend in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

thank you for your answer it helps but how do i get her to block him from her social life? what if she becomes defensive and won't do it?

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear XXXXX,

You will have to be most cautious in doing this. If you push her then you will reveal yourself as insecure and play into his hands. Show confidence and after your initial report to her, say nothing. If she actually pursues this man then she is really not the woman that you had hoped she would be.

The moment that you put pressure on her, you will look smaller to her. I understand that it is your instinct to defend your "turf". Think of a bull defending his herd of cows. When threats arise, he just stands taller and doesn't flinch. That is what she would like to see from you. Unshakeable strength and self-confidence.

Give her some space and even allow that she may be easily charmed. However if ou are the strong and confident on then she will not stray very far.

I wish you great strength, couarage, and success.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.