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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5313
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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I have been texting a guy for about 2 weeks now. I met him

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I have been texting a guy for about 2 weeks now. I met him a year ago, we didn't talk for a few months and I recently decided to text him. I know him and he knows me, but we've never hung out one on one. I'm usually the one texting him first and sometimes he'll text back right away and other times he takes a while and keeps the conversation short. Never has called me. Has expressed he wants to see me and jokes around about marrying me and having kids with me, but doesn't ask me to hang out. Since he's a cop, he asks if we can meet up for a bit while he's on duty. He works at night, so usually we'll text throughout the night and sometimes during the day. If I don't text him, we go couple of days without talking and then he'll text me first. I feel like I'm getting my hopes up for nothing. I believe that if a guy really likes a girl, then he'll try to be with her, get to know her better, etc. He hasn't expressed he likes me directly but if he wants to see me and texts me I'm assuming he is somewhat interested. I like him but I don't feel he's all that interested maybe a little. What should I do?

Dr. Mark :

Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.

Dr. Mark :

Have you taken him up on his saying he wants to see you?

Dr. Mark :

Hi, I'll wait for you to type that a brief reply, okay?

Customer:

I asked him in a playful way when we will get to go out to dinner and his reply was that he works all this week but did not say maybe next week or when he has time

Dr. Mark :

I see.

Dr. Mark :

Yes, this is frustrating, I can imagine.

Dr. Mark :

You're more traditional: you want the guy to show his interest but not only interest, to actually move things forward.

Customer:

It is because I feel I am getting mixed signals from him.

Dr. Mark :

You are getting mixed signals from him

Dr. Mark :

And it's very frustrating.

Dr. Mark :

It's hard to know if he's just a shy guy, which is very common today, who doesn't really know how to be forward or

Dr. Mark :

if he's not being totally straight with you.

Customer:

I'm not sure whether this is a good thing or not. And I am beginning to feel like I should just ask him if he is interested or not

Dr. Mark :

I was thinking the same thing.

Dr. Mark :

I think if it's going to move forward, you're the one who has to make it happen.

Customer:

I don't want to come off as a needy person though

Dr. Mark :

That isn't coming off as needy if you're asking, "Hey,

Dr. Mark :

we've been texting a lot but I'm wondering why it doesn't seem to

Dr. Mark :

it doesn't seem to work out to get together. What's your take?"

Dr. Mark :

What do you think?

Customer:

I think I just need to work up the courage to ask him and be mentally prepared for the worst

Dr. Mark :

Wait, let me help with that part:

Dr. Mark :

you're already at the worst. What do I mean?

Dr. Mark :

The worst is that you've got a guy you're interested in but it's not going anywhere.

Dr. Mark :

That's pretty unhappy, right?

Customer:

I never thought of it that way...

Customer:

But yes it is unhappy

Dr. Mark :

So, if he says that he's really not interested, you're better than where you are now, right?

Dr. Mark :

Because you can move on, agreed?

Dr. Mark :

And if he says, right, let's get together, then that's also better....

Customer:

Yes true.

Dr. Mark :

There really is no downside to asking and getting an answer from him. It's only scary because you're afraid of the negative answer. But right now, you're living in the worst situation...

Customer:

True, I am constantly wondering if he likes me or not and I would rather find out if he does or does not

Dr. Mark :

Yes, it's really no fun living in a state of hope and dread, hope and dread.

Dr. Mark :

So, I think you're right that it is more worth it for you to find out.

Dr. Mark :

Because you've given him enough time and now it's your turn to "lead" in the dance...

Dr. Mark :

Okay?

Customer:

Yes I will take the lead

Customer:

Thank you.

Dr. Mark :

Good for you!


Okay, I wish you the very best!


 


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