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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hi Dr. Paige, Ive been in a great relationship with a woman

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Hi Dr. Paige,

I've been in a great relationship with a woman for 7years. We really love and respect one another, and have a great time enjoying each other's company. I've always had trouble with intimate relationships. It seems the closer I get the more insecure I become. Ever since I started taking Zoloft, my sex drive went out the window. I have a real hard time getting and orgasm, and I just don't feel like going through all the trouble. I will look at porn and masturbate rather than expose myself to an intimate moment with my girl. It's sad, but it's the truth. I am 58 and she is 47. We haven't had sex in about 8 months and it bothers me every day. I know it hurts her, but I'm to the point now where I'm so ashamed of myself I'm afraid to even talk about it.
Hello. I know it seems very difficult and embarrassing, but you are going to have to talk with her about this. You know that this is hurting her and you can bet that she is thinking about this on a daily basis and probably feeling very bad about it, maybe blaming herself like women tend to do. Women are very understanding when it comes to these kinds of things and she probably would be very relieved for you to feel like you can talk to her about it as hard as it is. She shouldn't think of you as less of a person or whatever your fears are.
WHat may help you, is if you sit down and write down what you would say to her to see the words in front of you and what they might feel like to say. I understand how painful all of this is, but a conversation at least on some level is in order. You don't want to lose her. Find a way that you feel more comfortable about the changes that have happened and bring it out. You can't keep going like this for however many months or years, something has to give. Think about your options at this point. They are fairly limited. Have the conversation. You will feel better and you will be saving your relationship.
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