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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5458
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I live in Europe and am planning an international move. I have

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I live in Europe and am planning an international move. I have moved internationally 4 times now from country to country, taking pets with me, starting a new life moving my belongings by freight and it is all very stressful and complicated. This newest move involves moving back to my native country for which my husband is not a citizen. So accordingly I am doing almost everything myself. I flew over and bought a home within a week and returned and have to fly with the pets back to the home by myself in a few months and then wait for freight to arrive. The entirety of it all is enormously stressful and 99% of it falls on my shoulders to plan and execute as my husband cannot help until his immigration is approved, there is paperwork, medical exams, more paperwork, housing paperwork, insurance, pet paperwork, freight contracts, etc. A few days ago our landlord called out of the blue and said he was listing the home when our lease is up in a month (actually he said this month and our lease is up next month!) and would have the realtor through to shoot photos and then viewings would start. I was agreeable as I was jetlagged and unprepared for this. After a day or so I texted the landlord and mentioned politely that the home is in disarray as we are in the process already of preparing for our move and he did not care. Today I became angry as it is approaching Christmas, this home has been in their possession for over 10 years and unoccupied for atleast nine of those as we have been here a year and suddenly at the most inopportune time they wish to list rather than wait until we are out near Christmas? The house will be messy, I am supposed to allow people through at their convenience when I have piles of paperwork, many antiques of value, several expensive computers and software in full view being used, piles of paperwork and be polite about it? I sent him the most explicit texts I could conjure stating 'obviously you have never moved internationally, that i find this rude and inconsiderate considering we have been ideal tenants for one year, etc'. Am I right to find this obscene. Footnote, this home sits in an area of holiday homes in a very rural area, most of the homes are used about once per year and sit empty the rest. The likelihood anyone would purchase this is nil so to wait until spring when the house is clean and we are out would be intelligent rather than the alternative.
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  dkaplun replied 10 months ago.
Thank you for your question. Please permit me to assist you this evening.

If I may ask, in what country is this property located in? I ask to figure out whether or not I have the requisite knowledge to respond to your concerns. Thank you!
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

This was supposed to be under relationships (as in counseling) and not legal?

Expert:  dkaplun replied 10 months ago.
Anne,

I apologize, this appeared in the 'legal' section. If you wanted this question in a relationship section, please hold on and I will transfer this question to the correct category.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

ok thanks

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 10 months ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It certainly sounds like your landlord is putting his own needs ahead of yours. To list your home and not consult you is definitely not considering your feelings or your readiness in showing the home to others. And the pressure from an international move only adds to the stress you are going through.

If there is a legal way to prevent him from showing the home until you are ready, you might want to pursue that. Taking some of the control back from him by having some say so as to when these showings occur would help your stress level a lot. It would be much easier to plan out and make things more organized for you.

However, if there is no legal way to prevent these showings, you may need to ignore your landlord's needs and continue as if the showings do not matter. It may have an adverse effect on those viewing the home when you are not prepared, but that is now your landlords problem and not yours. And the likelihood, as you mentioned, that someone would be interested in the property because of the location sounds almost non existent anyway, so it may not be much of an issue, hopefully.

It is very understandable that this situation has upset you. You sound like you have a lot on your plate, more than most people in a move. You are juggling an overwhelming amount of work all on your own. And your partner cannot help right now for good reason. So this is all left to you. That is a lot. If it is possible, try to take some time for you, even if it is just 30 minutes a day. Plan something that makes you feel happy. Simple things like a new haircut, exercise or reading a book can help you balance the amount of stress you are under. But if taking time is not possible, try planning something for when your move is complete. This will help you by giving you something to look forward to and take some of your stress away.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Customer: replied 10 months ago.

i appreciate this, my husband has no comprehension of the task either. today i was out shopping and i asked the clerk if she liked this picture frame as i am moving to new england it is had a rustic style. she said 'don't you like it here' and i said i do but my husband wants to live in my native country and i moved over but now he wants to do the same, and she replied, 'oh that sounds stressful'. i was thinking to myself, finally someone gets it. when i moved to europe my husband was on 'holiday' and unable to help me like now, but in that instance he was being selfish, and now he is just ignorant and naive. why is it people can be so ignorant to the complex task of an international upheaval?

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 10 months ago.
Most of the time it is because they either feel incapable of handling the tasks and stress involved, or they are putting their own needs first, leaving the work to you since they know you will do it. It can be endlessly frustrating to be stuck with all the work and be the only responsible one. Having others recognize that and see it from your point of view can make you feel less alone and less stressed. Taking care of yourself and putting yourself first when you need to can also help.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5458
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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