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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hi, I am with the same girl and now it has been almost 2 1/2

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Hi, I am with the same girl and now it has been almost 2 1/2 months. The worrying about the ex is gone, and she has eliminated all contact with him. I am glad. I did that smoothly without any issues. Now one thing that bothers me is because she is noticing slight changes in my mood. (She is a occupational therapist and has worked with mentally ill young adults). It is true, ever since I was in college, my parents and I tried to get me consistent. I want to be happy all the time. Sometimes I would get a negative thought about us and I would get sad. She would then ask me, and we said we would talk about it. I had an ex but she didn't really notice my slight mood changes for 1 full year. We broke up because of arguments. I don't want to go through with that again and so far things have been going great (not having arguements). Besides these small mood changes that I have, things are going great. I know I am making her worried and she said to try to improve on that. I hope I don't mess up and she notices more of it. I am doing my best to keep me as she said "consistent". I guess there is nothing I can do but wait and see what happens. Things were going strong until this happened. Is there anything I should do? Things were going strong, until this happened.
Hello. I don't know how specific or dramatic these changes are you are referring, but no one is a robot and certainly no one is consistent. I don't think it's fair for her or you to expect you to be 100% happy all the time or to have a constant mood. It is natural and healthy and expected that we have good and bad days. "Slight" changes in mood are to be expected from any person. I don't think it's fair for her to judge you on this. When you say there isn't much you can do, you are right. You are who you are and it should not effect your relationship to any extreme. I'm sure she isn't perfect 100% of the time. I know you have spoken with her about this, but you need to explain to her that all people have ups and downs and she needs to not take it personally or make a huge deal out of times when you are down. There are lots of reasons which effect our moods and feelings and not all of them are because of the relationship.
If you find yourself getting depressed sometimes, again that is normal but if it becomes something you feel is a problem with yourself, you can look into getting help for the depression, either counseling or medication or even finding every day things in life which make you happy and can bring you out of a funk. Again, it depends how severe these ups and downs are. You describe them as "slight" but you also say your parents have even tried to help you. I'm not sure if being "constant" has been forced on you so much that you feel this is how you have to be, but if your mood changes are in deed "slight" then you need to just be yourself. It's difficult to be more specific with you other than that because all I have is your point of view on it. I do think that you need to learn to be happy with yourself overall and maybe this will carry over into your relationship. Try not to worry about being consistent with your mood 100% of the time. It really isn't healthy to fake being happy if you don't genuinely feel happy.
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