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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I met my girlfriend a couple weeks ago. We talked all the time,

Resolved Question:

I met my girlfriend a couple weeks ago. We talked all the time, all times of the day. We got really close, made plans to go on a trip together. Plans fell through. Talked damn near every day, and I'm falling quite hard. But recently shes gotten very distant. However she says she cares for me a lot, quite a few times a day. My situation isn't the most perfect, being in an abusive home, I don't trust people easily... I've went through some things recently, I'm unsure what happened, and why we've went from talking all the time to very little at all. Any advice? Thanks in advance.
Submitted: 12 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 12 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this challenging situation.

Customer:

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX the help.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I I am sorry to know about the abuse you underwent when with your family.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Everything we experience with parents or care takes does shape ourselves in multiple levels.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I understand and agree with you when you say how your history of abuse hs led you not to trust people that easily.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You are describing a relationship that has just started, that was very intense during these initial days and suddenly changed to a more regular interaction, what has led you to feel frustrated and fearful about what's been the problem for such change.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

She has told you that everything is fine but there is no good reason from her explaining why of her significant change, right?

Customer:

Nope.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I use to say that it is mostly through concrete actions in time that we happen to know about reality, that while words could be manipulated, actions are much harder to control for long period of time if the person happens not to be honest

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is a red flag for sure for such a big change to happen without her having a good reason for it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Obviously pushing her would not help. I do suggest you to ne patient, cautions and not to attach too much too soon, but to take the time to gradually know this person, for both to share enough at different levels so you could truly better know and understand each other, since that would be the only way to know how compatible you are and how your feelings for each other evolve.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer:

Yes it does, and it makes sense

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Good. Remember that these challenges do happen because we are all different and when it is about relationships, we can only control our ow feelings, choices and actions, offering our best and hoping the other perosn feels the same and does work on buiding soemthign meaningful together, but this would only happen if both share same value and belied systems, compatible personlities, same level of maturity, and core needs and expectations, and specially if both feel the same affection and passion for each other. This is a lot and can only be build and identified with time, otherwise you would be attaching to hopes and dreams but not to the real person, and that's why people could get very frystrated and hurt.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

(...value and belief systems....could get very frustrated and hurt).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I suggest you to take things easy, to continue to be open and honest towards her, and to see hoe=w well she shows the same interest and affection towards you. Everything else would be about time for you to find out how well it works.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it look like a reasonable plan you feel comfortable with? Again, you would find our=t more from her actions than from her words how well and committed she feels in the relationship.

Customer:

That sounds good.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Thank you for your trust. Please feel free to contact me to follow up or if you have any further questions, since I am here willing to support you as possible.

Customer:

I very much appreciate the help. You've enlightened me, and I will take your advice, and use it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sounds good! Thank you for being this open here and for your trust. Please take gentle care and consistent action.

Customer:

Thank you very much, you have a good evening.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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