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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Im trying to get a question to Elliott. Im sure the other

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I'm trying to get a question to Elliott. I'm sure the other experts here are great, but I know him and would like to talk to him again. Is there a way to get my question to him?

Here is my question:

Hi Elliott! I hope you remember me. I'm the 44 year old single mom of three teenagers, with a crush on the man at the grocery store where I shop. So, I did start going to his line every time I went shopping, and I was able to smile and talk to him, instead of hiding my feelings. It felt good and he responded in kind, so I was happy. I decided I want to ask him out. Our first "date" wasn't exactly a date, it was more of a "come over and see my some time" invite to hang out with him when he was with his bowling league.

When I decided I wanted to ask him out, I also decided I'd go more times this week just to put more positive interactions in there before asking him. I just needed to build up confidence, and reassure myself it would most likely get a positive result. But, I've hardly seen him at all this week. When I've gone, I'm assuming it was either a day off or he was on a lunch break, and I just haven't run into him. Now I'm thinking I'll just try and see him one more time before asking, just to be sure we’re still on the same page. I've had this crush for at least 4 months now... I don't remember exactly when it started. But it's starting to feel like an eternity, and I feel like something needs to happen fairly soon, one way or another. I'm not sure how long a flirtation of this sort can last before it fizzles out. I feel like I'd like to know, anyway, so I can either move forward, or move on, and stop thinking about him constantly if this isn't going anywhere. But I really like him, so I'm hoping it will move forward. And if it moves forward slowly, that's okay, as long as it's moving.

I'm looking for suggestions on asking him out. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow, and I'm assuming he'll be there, since I've always seen him on Sundays. If I still get positive feedback, then I'd like to go ahead and ask. I won't do it while at the grocery store, though, because it might not be a good idea to put him on the spot while he's at work.

It might be easier for both of us if I ask by text. I'm so nervous! I've never really asked anyone out before. My couple of boyfriends before I got married were friends I knew through school and work and they happened gradually. This is different, I have to be a bit more forward, and I'm nervous.

When I originally gave him my phone number, I said maybe we could go for coffee sometime. But since he is shy, I'm thinking that just looking at each other trying to think of something to say might not be the best first date. Maybe something like a movie would be easier, until we both are more comfortable with each other.

What do I say? How do I approach him? Any first date ideas for two people, one of whom is a little bit shy, and one of whom is much more shy?
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear XXXXXberley,

Thank you so much for getting back to me.

You have been making good progress in moving forward at your own comfortable rate and are ready to ask him out.

I would not be surprised it he thinks about you as much as you think about him, as there seems to be great chemistry between you.

If that is the case, it will be pretty hard to mess up and you should succeed.

I have a few tips.

Make sure he is there before you shop. If not, come back when he is there.

Try to get on his line when few shoppers are in the store which will give you a bit more time to chat.

Find out what is playing at the local movie theaters to that you can ask him if he has seen any of the pictures and if he wanted to go see one of them with you.

Tell him that you have never asked anyone out before because you are very shy as he is, but you really enjoy talking to him and would like to start a friendship because he seems very special to you.

You can say this and you will sound endearing to him. Since you are shy and not forward, your natural charm and honesty will shine through any awkwardness you might feel and that will be a plus.

This whole scene seems like the early part of a real movie where two people meet in a manner that is not slick, but charmingly homey. I believe that his could be a love story unfolding, and one with a happy ending.

Be confident. This is going to work, It seems to me.

I wish you great success and shall continue to keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott
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