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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Good Morning, I am a married man and i am having a affair with

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Good Morning, I am a married man and i am having a affair with someone 12 years younger than me. I am use to having someone show affection and say things like 'I miss you" or I love you but this young lady does nothing like that and does not call much at all or text much unless i call her or text her. I pretty much buy her everything she wants and I pretty much pay all her bills for her as well. Do you think I am being used or are there people that just dont show affection. When it comes to having sex she really dont get into it and says she does not like it. What do you think

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry but your story clearly shows how this person is using and abusing you for financial and material benefits.

Customer:

ok so what do you think?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Unhappily, this is not an uncommon scenario at all, and most times people presenting this pattern of behavior look for people who happen to long for emotional attachment, affection and fulfillment they do not get through their regular/formal relationships.

Customer:

dont you think that if you are in a relationship and it is true then when one goes out of town that person would call a couple of times and when the person that did not go out of town says that they miss the other person then that person that is out of town would respond by saying I miss you too.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Many times the most vulnerable people are those who suffer of depression, anxiety or codependency, since allow this type of unhealthy relationships.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely, that's what would be considered normal behaviors, a reciprocal affectionate and caring relationship.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Otherwise it shows lack of caring and neglect.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Rafael M.T.Therapist says:
1:43 PM
Many times the most vulnerable people are those who suffer of depression, anxiety or codependency, since allow this type of unhealthy relationships.
1:43 PM
Absolutely, that's what would be considered normal behaviors, a reciprocal affectionate and caring relationship.
1:44 PM
Otherwise it shows lack of caring and neglect.
1:45 PM
Does it make sense?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


WHAT DO you reconmend me to do. I care about this girl but I want to make sure i am not being used. how do i approch her on this. i said to her that i thought she should seek help on not wanting to show affection and she said she does not care to dig and find out why? she should not have to change and that i need to love her for who she is.

I am very sorry. Based on your story it seems very clear to me that this person is literally using and abusing you. You told her about her lack of affection problem and her response was very objective: "she does not care".

If what you want is to take good care of yourself and not to continue being used and abused by this person, I do not see other option but to end this relationship, since there is nothing of what you described here that shows this person cares about you at all, but that she has been systematically using, abusing, neglecting and manipulating you.

If you try this and still find it tough to stop this obvious self-sabotaging, I suggest you to look for professional psychotherapy to work on rehabilitating from this destructive situation, from codependency and any other problem fueling this very destructive relationship.
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