How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Rafael M.T.Therapist is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Good Morning, I am a married man and i am having a affair with

Resolved Question:

Good Morning, I am a married man and i am having a affair with someone 12 years younger than me. I am use to having someone show affection and say things like 'I miss you" or I love you but this young lady does nothing like that and does not call much at all or text much unless i call her or text her. I pretty much buy her everything she wants and I pretty much pay all her bills for her as well. Do you think I am being used or are there people that just dont show affection. When it comes to having sex she really dont get into it and says she does not like it. What do you think
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 8 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry but your story clearly shows how this person is using and abusing you for financial and material benefits.

Customer:

ok so what do you think?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Unhappily, this is not an uncommon scenario at all, and most times people presenting this pattern of behavior look for people who happen to long for emotional attachment, affection and fulfillment they do not get through their regular/formal relationships.

Customer:

dont you think that if you are in a relationship and it is true then when one goes out of town that person would call a couple of times and when the person that did not go out of town says that they miss the other person then that person that is out of town would respond by saying I miss you too.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Many times the most vulnerable people are those who suffer of depression, anxiety or codependency, since allow this type of unhealthy relationships.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely, that's what would be considered normal behaviors, a reciprocal affectionate and caring relationship.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Otherwise it shows lack of caring and neglect.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 8 months ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 8 months ago.
Rafael M.T.Therapist says:
1:43 PM
Many times the most vulnerable people are those who suffer of depression, anxiety or codependency, since allow this type of unhealthy relationships.
1:43 PM
Absolutely, that's what would be considered normal behaviors, a reciprocal affectionate and caring relationship.
1:44 PM
Otherwise it shows lack of caring and neglect.
1:45 PM
Does it make sense?
Customer: replied 8 months ago.


WHAT DO you reconmend me to do. I care about this girl but I want to make sure i am not being used. how do i approch her on this. i said to her that i thought she should seek help on not wanting to show affection and she said she does not care to dig and find out why? she should not have to change and that i need to love her for who she is.

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 8 months ago.
I am very sorry. Based on your story it seems very clear to me that this person is literally using and abusing you. You told her about her lack of affection problem and her response was very objective: "she does not care".

If what you want is to take good care of yourself and not to continue being used and abused by this person, I do not see other option but to end this relationship, since there is nothing of what you described here that shows this person cares about you at all, but that she has been systematically using, abusing, neglecting and manipulating you.

If you try this and still find it tough to stop this obvious self-sabotaging, I suggest you to look for professional psychotherapy to work on rehabilitating from this destructive situation, from codependency and any other problem fueling this very destructive relationship.
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency