Been in a relationship now for about 6 months. He's divorced and has children. Some patterns of behavior that are annoying at best. I went away for a weekend and on the day I was to return, he said he wanted to come by and see me but had his boys that night so it had to be by a certain time. I had told him I would to let him know when I was close. I told him I was stuck in traffic (which I was). He asked what time I left and I told him and his response was "you asked for that, too late a start." Yikes! I sent him a message this week letting him know some things were bothering me. He said when I was away suggesting I should come home earlier so he can "tire me out"..I didn't like that as I got the sense I was a booty call. Some of his messages to me are like that. Sexual in nature and I won't lie, it's nice to be considered sexually attractive, BUT sometimes I think it goes to far and I feel like sometimes this is the main reason he wants to see me.
I confronted him about this AND the fact he gets angry when I can't see him and says these things. His response was defensive and he turned things around on me saying I felt we were a mistake, which I NEVER said and me saying he was a bad guy. He also felt my questions were disrespectful to him. I also asked if I was just a girl he was seeing or if I was his girlfriend. He's never called me his girlfriend.
What to do??? Was I out of line?
If you think that he is a narcissist, you will never redeem him. Knowledge is power, and you need to find out more about narcissists to see if he fits the mold.
I wish you joy and fulfillment and shall keep you in my prayers.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
I guess what really bothers me is that he was ready to write me off after I send him a long winded email explaining my frustrations. He said " if you think I'm using you, just say it, then say goodbye." Yikes!
I also asked him if I was a girl he was seeing or his girlfriend. He's never called me his girlfriend.
Thanks for the great feedback! I don't usually do this but I really need to be sure. This was what I sent him. Sorry it's long winded.
You are right! I appreciate the feedback. I try to be firm but then sometimes I feel like I'm too harsh.....if that makes sense? Now, I'm starting to see that is part of his plan. He responded to this email by pretty much saying the drama is getting old and fast. Says he thinks about us all the time, that I do fill a void in his life but it's more than sex (and I know it!) and that he isn't going to sit back while I sabotage it ( to sum it up). Not going to send you his long winded email :) I appreciate you reading mine though. He hasn't talked to me since yesterday and I don't plan on reaching out to him. I can't believe I allowed myself to be blindsided like this. UGH! I do have to take accountability and know that I did this to myself though.
Thanks for your help.
He may not, you are right. Who knows! I notice lots of double standards too. He was giving me grief about not being able to see him and how "I knew I was going to be late." OUCH! Really??? Yet, two weekends ago, he wanted to stop by and wasn't sure if he was going to make it. I said if he could then great, if not, that's ok and I understand as he's been out straight and busy. I did tell him he needed to let me know either way if he was or wasn't. I had corresponded with him in the morning, yet got a message at 5:30pm saying he couldn't make it. Yet I'm getting crap for not being able to see him Monday. See what I'm saying? If I'm not giving him a hard time and I'm understanding, why can't he be that way.
If he didn't have restrictions, I would have been able to see him later on.
REDICULOUS!! You have been a HUGE help and I thank you.....for your advice..........and for letting me vent! Thank you!
Also, do you think any of this could be from him getting out of a marriage where he was betrayed and cheated on. I'm not making excuses for him, just wondering. Perhaps he's not relationship material as he's been a daddy for the past 5 years and not focused on a relationship?? You would know best.
NO......thank you!!! Appreciate all of your help and advice.