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Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1755
Experience:  Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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Im in a relationship that has lasted a little over 2 years.

Resolved Question:

I'm in a relationship that has lasted a little over 2 years. We currently live together and have done so for just over a year. However, a lot of days I'm not worried about the relationship and on others I start thinking a lot about the things I don't like about us. Examples being, we don't have very much in common, our sex life isn't that great (she doesn't initiate), she isn't a very confident person, sometimes I feel like we are on two different social levels. Feeling like this I will start to act distant toward her and I don't want to explain why unless I'm ending it.

What do you think I should do?

Mike
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 11 months ago.
Hi and welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

Hi Mike. I can tell you to follow your heart and your gut. I do believe you both deserve to be in a relationship that is mutual and satisfying on all levels...physically, emotionally, etc. If these things feel like they are lacking for you then I do believe it is time to re-evaluate your feelings and see if this is the person with whom you care to share your life.

I might suggest before you make any decision about whether to end it or not, that you might sit with her and express how you feel about the connection, what is working and what isn't. This gives you both the opportunity to reflect, be open and possibly make some changes. That would be a fair thing to do for both of you and i think you will feel better knowing you have been open and willing to work on things.

Let me know how this feels for you.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

I understand where you are coming from and your answer makes sense. I love having relationship talks especially if I feel they are proactive. However, I find it difficult to have these talks with my significant other because she gets upset very easily and absolutely hates any hint of confrontation whether it is present or not. In bringing things up in the past, she will often cry, will shut down and not be able to think and talk clearly or proactively until an hour or so passes. It is frustrating because I've been able to predict how these talks will go. I'm still a young guy (age 24) and this is my first relationship where I have lived with someone and if it doesn't work out I'm really dreading the awkward move as I live in an apartment that requires 2 months notice.


 


After 2 years I guess I thought that it would take more than a gut feeling or cold feet to end a relationship. This is really what I'm stuck on, how much is enough after so long?

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 11 months ago.
Mike, I hear you! And I also hear that you are ready to move on, even if things are awkward. If you feel that you cannot talk to her, as you have tried in the past, then it seems clear to me that you are clear. Your heart does not sound to be in it anymore with her and you are young and deserve to be in a fulfilling relationship on all levels and from what I hear you say...this relationship is not fulfilling for you.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Maybe I just love being the devil's advocate but it just doesn't seem right. She does make my life easier in many ways and she has a good heart as well as many of the values I do look for.


 


Sometimes I have a bad day and my mood can perceive things in a very biased manner. Today has been one of those days(Did poorly on an exam this morning). Although I agree that discussing these things with her is a good idea, I may delay on it until my mind is less biased.


 


I'm sure I'll be back on here again in the near future. Thanks for your help.

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 11 months ago.
I am glad you are being devils advocate and my responses are helping you to process. This is why I suggested not rushing into ending things. I would try and talk with her and also sit with your feelings. I am proud of your ability to look inward and see that maybe your day could cause some of these feelings.
Please take a moment to offer a rating of my work. I thank you in advance. Come to me anytime.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1755
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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